


see you flexin' that's a big lie

by jennycaakes



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Drinking, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Pining, Returning Home, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-01 07:34:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 33,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16280357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennycaakes/pseuds/jennycaakes
Summary: “I--what?” Nursey only said half of that shit to piss him off but he’s too confused to take a jab at him. “What are you saying?”“We’ll tell people we’re dating,” Nursey says. “The team’ll know it’s not real. But word’ll spread. People’ll lay off. Give you your space.”Dex forces himself to swallow. “Sorry. You want me. To… fake date you?”//Dex accidentally outs himself to The Swallow, which then outs him to everyone else.Nursey offers to help with the mess.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> let's just roll with the concept ok thanks for flexin' w me fam (yes the title is a post malone song leave me alone) 
> 
> okay but forreal ! this story is more or less dex's coming out story. the implied/referenced homophobia will be in relation to dex's home life but it's not going to be like, a dark and depressing ending. a lot of times people write dex as coming from this super loving family etc and i've been thinking about my own small kinda poor family and how we loved each other but that didn't mean it couldn't be /hard/ so i tried to embody a lot of that. 
> 
> ANYWAY i hope you enjoy it. this is the first nurseydex fic i ever started writing (though not my first published, as clearly it turned into a beast) and here we are, many many words later.

The article goes live on a Wednesday.

@SamwellSwallows: Hot off the press! We talked to our own SMH’s about their old captain Jack Zimmermann and his coming out journey. One player said being gay has nothing to do with how someone plays hockey. Want to know who it is and how he came to that conclusion? Article up on our digital site here: https://bit.ly/2yAnfrQ

“Soooo,” Chowder says, waving his phone in front of Dex’s face. “You read this yet?”

Dex frowns. “No.” He doesn’t make it a habit to read The Swallow, especially if it’s about the team. It just gets him angry, and Nursey says half the reason Dex is angry all the time is because he goes looking for reasons to be.

“Can I… read it to you?” he asks.

Dex glances back to his computer, adding a line of code with a shrug. “Sure.”

Chowder clears his throat. He starts to read the article. Dex, caught up in his coding, is hardly listening. He remembers when the “reporters” showed up at the rink and he remembers snapping at them before skating away, but it wasn’t anything super important. It had been a long and brutal practice, the Waffles fumbling more than anyone had been prepared for, and Dex was tired. He was tired and angry and he barely remembered talking to the Swallow at all.

Chowder snaps his fingers and Dex turns back to his friend. “Chowder,” Dex groans. “I was there. I know what I’ve said. I’ve got to finish this,” he says.

“You sure?”

“Pretty sure.”

“I'm not sure you’re sure, Dex.”

Dex huffs. “Fine. Keep going.”

Chowder reads on and Dex closes his laptop screen just a touch so he can pay more attention to his friend. Dex had seen the tweet but he just assumed it was about Bitty, since Bitty’s story seemed to be part of Jack’s story as well, and that’s what the article was about.

But.

“This is the important part,” Chowder says, and he’s being pretty serious so Dex gives him the attention that he’d originally asked for because Chowder’s rarely serious like this. “‘ _When speaking with one William Poindexter, current d-man of Samwell’s men’s hockey team, we were surprised with his lack of interest in the subject of Jack Zimmermann’s live kiss_.’”

“Because they should leave Jack alone,” Dex comments.

“ _‘It’s a big deal for kids who look up to him,’ Poindexter said, ‘and important when thinking about homophobia in hockey. And we’re all happy for him and [Eric Bittle]. But I don’t see why Jack being bisexual has anything to do with how he plays.’”_

“Because it doesn’t,” Dex mutters, feeling angry again.

“‘ _And when asked further on the comment, Poindexter said,’”_ Chowder pauses, looking kind of nervous, “and this is a quote, Dex.”

Dex searches his mind, trying to remember that afternoon. It wasn’t even a minute long. It couldn’t be that important. “What did I say?” he asks.

“‘ _If liking men made you a bad hockey player, I wouldn’t be on the team.’”_

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Slowly, Chowder looks back to him. Dex blinks. “I didn’t say that,” he manages.

“You are quite literally quoted,” Chowder says.

This is not how Dex wanted to do this.

Dex shakes his head, feeling the color drain from his face. “Chowder, I…” he trails off, looking up at his friend. Did he say that? Was he joking around? Maybe he’d been joking around. But since when does Dex joke around? Was he fucking out of his mind? “It’s not--”

“Dex,” Chowder half-whispers, sounding half-desperate. Because not even Chowder knows. No one on this goddamn team _knows_. “We can have them take it down.”

Dex’s stomach rolls. “Chowder,” he starts again. “I’m _not_ …”

Chowder crosses the room to him, placing his hand on Dex’s shoulder and squeezing once. “Okay,” he says. “I’m on your side always. And we can get them to take this down! I just thought that you’d want to know because the rest of the paragraph really derails from there and, well.”  

Dex jerks his head into a nod, disoriented. Did he really _say_ that? What was he _thinking_!

“I mean I am,” he says, because it’s _Chowder_ and he can’t fucking lie to Chowder, even if Dex can’t put words to it yet. “But I’m _not--_ ”

Chowder squeezes his shoulder again. “What do you need me to do?”

Dex’s hands are shaking. He’s normally so good in moments like this. Things click together and unwind more easily when there’s pressure. But there’s a block here and he can’t think. How many people read The Swallow? He’s never mentioned that paper to his mom, right? It’s not even a paper, it's a fucking gossip blog, that’s all. And how often does she Google search his name, anyway? He never did tell her how to put an alert on new articles, not that The Swallow is going to come up as _news_. And--

“I’m going to have them take it down,” Chowder says.

He leaves Dex alone, his program flashing in front of him, his fingers unable to move.

* * *

Dex was not prepared to come out.

His family doesn’t know. None of his friends. Hell, he’s hardly even fucking admitted it to himself. Samwell wasn’t just a good school that offered him a good scholarship, Samwell was a chance for him to be himself.

Not before he was ready. Not because The Swallow published a quote of his for the entire fucking campus to read.

Eventually.

What the fuck is he supposed to do now?

* * *

Long story short: the article stays up.

Because The Swallow is the fucking _worst_.

It’s not… noticeably a big deal. He searches his name on Twitter and finds a few guys from Samwell tweeting about Dex being gay a _dream come true_ , but no one really says anything to his face. Bitty tries to check in on him without checking in on him. Chowder always asks if he wants to talk. Even Shitty texts to see how he’s doing. Nursey… says nothing, but that’s probably better for everyone.

But it’s the only thing that Dex can think about. Are his teammates whispering about him and speculating? Probably. Do they think it’s rude to just ask, or are they afraid he’s really gay? Bitty’s gay, and everyone loves Bitty. So maybe they just hate him?

Dex is spiraling. He’s always fucking spiraling.

So he intentionally comes out to the team.

By the time he does it, a full week after The Swallow article, it’s fucking awful, because it’s not how he wants to do it at all and most of them already _know_. The rumors have been circulating for days and the looks from other athletes are starting to follow him wherever he goes and just--God, this sucks. This fucking sucks so fucking much.

He stands in the locker room with his hands by his side, his face unsure if it wants to burn red or flush white, and stutters out a speech that’s hardly prepared.

“Uh,” he scans the boys, looking for disgust in their eyes, but doesn’t find any. “So. Apparently I outed myself to The Swallow.” The locker room fills with nervous chuckles, but falls silent when Dex adds, “Who then outed me to everyone else.” He takes a deep breath. “And it wasn’t how I wanted this to happen, but.” He clears his throat and looks toward the ceiling. “Yeah, I’m gay. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys but my family is going to--” he chokes out a laugh, thinking about it. “Freak. They’re going to fucking freak, so.”

“Dex!” Bitty hops up, placing his hand on Dex’s forearm. “Thank you for telling us,” he says. “If you ever need anything we’re all here to support you.”

“Always!” Chowder agrees with a grin, and when Chowder’s on board so is everyone else, so the room fills with quiet but supportive mumbles. “Dex, we love you man!”

“Yeah. Thanks, guys. I don’t--” he drags his hand through his hair, shaking his head. “I don’t want this to be a thing. I’m sorry.”

“No, no,” Bitty gushes. “Never be sorry!”

He starts going on about the importance of community in team sports and the power of friendship and acceptance and it’s all really inspiring and true, but Dex’s ears are burning and he absolutely never wants to talk about this again. He settles down in his cubbie and Chowder beams at him from across the way and Dex sighs, feeling more tired than he has in a long time.

It’s just.

As much as Dex wants to be loud and proud and walk the streets during Pride and hold hands with a guy in public he’s honestly really fucking terrified.

Chowder gives him a hug once they’re dismissed and the coaches ask if Dex needs any other support as they’re happy to figure out some counseling situation but Dex insists he’ll be okay.

The second he’s on the ice, things starts to settle within him. Dex always feels more put together on the ice. Hockey is the one thing that he’s always done on his own, the one thing that he’s had the most control over. He paid for his own equipment and he put in the time for training and he goes to the gym and he’s good at what he does. No one can tell him that he isn’t. Dex has worked so fucking hard to get to where he is and the stress of his day doesn’t get to follow him here.

Until it does.

Nursey skates over to him after a few drills.

“So this gay thing,” Nursey starts, which immediately sets Dex’s blood boiling. He’s immediately angry. “You could’ve told me, dude.”

“That’s the point, Nurse,” he grits out. “I didn’t tell _anyone._ ”

Nursey’s face is annoyingly neutral. “But you could’ve told _me_.” If not even Chowder got the inside scoop on Dex’s sexuality, what the hell makes Nursey think he should have the right? “I’m your roommate,” he elaborates. “You’re my d-man partner. I’m queer as fuck, Dex. I’m just saying--” he shakes his head a little. “I didn't want to like--corner you in the room but if you felt like you couldn’t trust me then I’m sorry.”

Dex swallows, because that’s not what he was expecting. “What.”

“Coming out is hard,” Nursey says, shrugging. “My parents are chill so it wasn’t a big deal. But it’s easier when you’ve got people.” He gestures to the ice where their team is working on some drills. “We’re your people.” He takes a deep breath, amending himself. “I’ve got your back.”

“Nursey--”

“And if our shit these past couple of years made you feel like I didn’t then I’m sorry.” Dex doesn’t know how to respond. He feels the tension in his shoulders ease as he studies the look on Nursey’s face--genuinely regretful. “For someone who prides himself on being pretty chill I tend to make a lot of assumptions about people,” he says, still looking at Dex. “I made some about you. I’m sorry.”

Today has been overwhelming enough, but multiple apologies from Nursey that Dex definitely doesn’t deserve? Cherry on top of the shake.

“It’s fine,” he says. “It wasn’t you.”

Nursey shrugs. “It couldn’t have helped,” he says. “Hey, if you need help finding a winter screw date, then I know some guys with nice hands who--” Dex rolls his eyes and skates away at the sound of Nursey’s laughter. “I’m joking!” he calls. “Mostly!”

But in their room that night, back in the Haus, the words from the rink come back to him. Nursey’s in his bed with his headphones in, eyebrows furrowed as he underlines something in the paperback he’s been reading, and Dex can’t stop looking at him. It’s true that they’ve struggled to get along, and even now there are some things that they just bicker about because they can, but Dex trusts Nursey. He trusts all the guys on the team.

“Nursey,” he says, and without looking up Nursey tugs out one headphone to listen while he continues working. “What kind of assumptions did you make about me?”

Nursey, still not looking at him, smirks. “Might be better if we just let that one go, Poindexter.”

He can assume. Dex came to Samwell with maybe not the best opinions, and while he’s still unlearning problematic behavior he knows what people see in him. Besides, attempting to be seen as straight when you’re pretty deep in the closet can lead to some not great comments.

“It was never because of you,” Dex says. “Or the team.”

Nursey tugs out his other earphone and turns to him. “Just your family, then?” he asks softly, and Dex can’t bring himself to respond because it almost sounds like Nursey’s pitying him, and if Dex goes down that rabbit hole this whole conversation is going to explode. “Are you going to tell them?”

Dex takes a deep breath, prepares himself to answer, and doesn’t say anything.

"Do you want to?" Nursey wonders.

“It’s just--not that simple,” he says. “You know how I used to be.”

Nursey tips his head to the side. “Used to be?”

“Don’t make me throw something at you.”

“Okay, okay,” Nursey surrenders, still grinning. “Of course I remember.”

“So that’s my entire fucking town,” Dex tells him. “But worse. So much worse.”

“So your town sucks,” Nursey concludes. “But you came from your family, you know? Do you think they’re more on your side, or?”

Dex is quiet long enough that even Nursey sits up completely in bed. Dex really doesn’t _know_.

“Could go either way,” he finally says. He’s heard the comments and seen the looks but his family is pretty full of love. They fight over rent checks and groceries and phone bills but they would do anything for each other, always. Normally. “I really don’t know.”

Nursey nods solemnly.

“Well,” he says. “You’ve got people. Bitty’s working on being loud and proud too, with his parents. And like I said, with me. But there are some other guys on the team too, who… yeah. Just.” Nursey offers a smile. “You need people for this. You don’t have to do it alone.”

“Hashtag it gets better,” Dex mutters.

“It does,” Nursey insists. “I’m trying to be serious here, Dex.”

“Thank you,” he rushes, all in a breath, dropping his gaze toward the ground. It’s nice to talk about this like it’s a normal thing. Dex knows this is going to be hard and Nursey’s right--he’s got a lot of people who support him. “You can go back to work now.”

Nursey, thankfully, tips his head and plugs his headphones in without question.

* * *

The more time passes from the release of the article, the less of a big deal it feels like.

Until the kegster.

Nursey and Chowder planned their first Haus party and it’s going pretty well, but Dex is hardly ever in a party mood these days. Still he forces himself to mingle and the music isn’t nearly as bad as it could be.

Dex is two drinks in when someone slides into the spot beside him on the couch. Half expecting it to be Chowder as Chowder is one of the only people who ever engages with him during a kegster, he turns with a grin, which fades when he spots Gordon Perez from the Samwell baseball team sitting beside him with a soft smile. Dex swallows.

“Perez,” he greets.

“Poindexter,” Perez returns. He’s beautiful. It’s unfair that so many men at this stupid school are so fucking beautiful. It’s hard enough being on the hockey team with so many of them, even worse when the fucking baseball team shows up. “I read about you in The Swallow the other week,” he says.

Dex’s stomach drops. Every day that passes without a mention of that article, Dex starts thinking he’s free. And then shit like this happens.

He turns, scanning for a familiar face. Maybe Nursey was right, maybe he really does need people. Especially if the baseball team thinks they can come to their fucking Haus and start shit. Dex isn’t necessarily itching for a fight but he’ll swing if he has to.

“Hope you didn’t lose any brain cells,” Dex mutters before taking a sip of his beer. “The Swallow’s full of it.”

“So you’re not gay?” he asks. Perez ducks his head. “Because that’d be a total fucking bummer.” Something in Dex’s chest sparks into a flame. He turns back to Perez, blushing, and oh. He’s not looking for a fight. “I saw your shot last game,” he carries on, turning back to face Dex, not letting the silence linger. “Fucking awesome, Will.”

“I--I, oh--well, that’s, haha,” Dex stumbles over his words, knowing that his face is probably a darker shade of red than his hair. The baseball player arches an amused eyebrow, grinning now. He’s flirting with him. He’s not picking a fight, Gordon Perez is just fucking flirting with him. “Wow. I mean--thanks. Thank you. Were you--were you there? Or--?”

“Nah, just caught the highlights.”

“Cool, cool. Yeah.” Dex takes another drink before deciding to just knock the whole thing back. “Thanks.”

“Totally. You and Nurse are one fucking team, man.”

Dex is not prepared for this. He can’t handle flirting in general but for the entirety of his life it’s pretty much always been _girls_. And he was never interested in girls. They were mostly distractions, or an ego-boost. It never actually led anywhere.

This could lead somewhere? The thought of that makes Dex’s stomach roll.

He’s not ready.

“Yeah, Nursey’s. Yeah.” He coughs to clear his throat. “I’m out,” he says, holding up his beer bottle. “So I’m gonna--”

Perez nods, a slow grin finding his face. “Come back after?” he wonders. “Maybe you and I could get out of here.”

“Maybe,” Dex manages.

He tries to be composed as he stands but honestly, Dex just kind of runs away.

To be fair, he does go to the kitchen to get another drink, but it’s mostly an excuse to breathe.

Gordon Perez is attractive. Sure. And they’re friendly. Most of the athletes know each other due to various mandatory social events, and the fact that they all live in this row of houses. But they’re not _friends._ And get out of here? That could mean so many things. What’s he looking for? Sex? To talk? That’s too vague.

Not that Dex is really opposed to sex, or talking, but it’s got to be the right person. He’s managed a few kisses with a few guys over the years, and maybe an orgasm or two, but he was closeted then. And so were the other guys. And Dex knew from the beginning that it wasn’t going anywhere.

And he knows, logically, that just because he’s sort-of Out now doesn’t mean anything. He could just hook up with people if he really wanted to. It doesn’t have to _be_ something real.

But being sort-of Out is a lot to work through, and he wants to work through it before acting on it. And really, Dex isn’t much of a _blowjob and run_ kind of guy. He always thought that once he was Really Out (and not sort-of Out) that he’d be able to do that. Real solid commitment.

But he’s in-between stages and trying to process and even flirting is making him anxious in ways he is incredibly unprepared for.

He considers opening another beer but finds a bottle of Fireball stashed in the freezer and takes a shot alone instead.

“Dex, hey!” he hears, and turns to find Bitty approaching him with a grin and a dude by his side. Dex’s throat is burning but he manages a smile. “There you are! This is Dex,” Bitty says to the guy. “Dex, this is Patrick. He’s the guy I told you about. From that club?”

Patrick’s the president of the QSU.

“Right,” Dex exhales. “Yeah.” He looks to his friend. “Bitty I’m not really…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Patrick says as Bitty trails off. “Eric gave me a rundown of your situation.”

“I hope that’s okay,” Bitty rushes. “I mean, I know we talked about it, but--”

“No, that’s fine,” Dex says, waving his hand and trying to embody as much of Nursey’s _chill_ as he can. The whole of Samwell probably knows the story by now. “Really.”

“Cool,” Patrick says with a smile, and he’s fucking attractive too, which is bullshit. Tall and lean with a mop of messy black hair and a cheek dimple on his left. “Wanna chat for a sec? I know it’s got to be hard with everything going on, and--”

“It--yeah, listen,” Dex cuts him off. He doesn’t want to be rude. He really, really doesn’t. But he can’t do this tonight. “I’m really sorry. I’m not feeling great tonight,” he says. “Bitty can get you my number, maybe?”

“I’d love to!” Bitty says. “And I’ll bring you along to one of the meetings if you wanna come?”

“Maybe,” Dex says again. “Thanks Bitty. Sorry, Patrick.”

Patrick nods, understanding. “I get it. It’s a lot. I just want you to know how many people are behind you, Will.”

“Thanks,” he forces out.

Dex takes the stairs two at a time to get to his room, desperate to be alone.

Nursey is already there.

He’s got his phone held up to his ear and is speaking in loud Spanish and he tips his head at Dex as he enters. “Ah, I gotta go, _Mama_ ,” he says. Nursey chuckles and Dex closes his eyes, letting the sound of it wash over him. “ _Si, claro._ Mm-kay. Love you too.”

Dex’s eyes are still closed. “How’s your mom?” he asks.

“She’s good.” Dex hits his head backwards. “How’s the kegster?”

“I can’t do this,” Dex answers. He keeps his eyes closed because he can’t look at Nursey as he says this. “I can’t do the flirting and the clubs and the--” he cuts himself off so he can take a deep breath. “I’m just not there yet. I wasn’t ready to come out, Nursey.”

He hears Nursey exhale. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Dex chokes out. He just breathes for a second, feeling his tongue loosen from the alcohol. Thank you, Fireball. “Fucking--Gordon Perez wanted to get out of here?” he asks.

Nursey laughs, but just once. “I’d let him fuck me into the mattress,” he says.

Dex’s eyes burst open. “ _Nursey_ ,” he scolds, and Nursey laughs again.

“Sorry not sorry. What else?”

“Bitty brought the QSU president,” he murmurs.

“Patrick’s chill,” Nursey says.

“And that’s great,” Dex says. “But it doesn’t matter how hot Perez is or how--” he cringes, “-- _chill_ Patrick is. I’m not _ready_ for it.”

Nursey nods slowly. “Okay, yeah. I get that.” Dex feels some of the tension leave him as he exhales. “What can I do?” Nursey finally asks, voice soft and void of chirping.

“Can you make it stop?” Dex asks.

Nursey blinks a few times, thinking, but Dex knows the answer he’s going to give. “Probably not,” he says.

Dex closes his eyes again. “Even just part of it…” he mutters, mostly to himself. If he can remove one aspect of Gay Stress from his life, it would be great. “If I could just turn off one thing, Nurse,” Dex carries on. He feels desperate for air, like he can’t fucking breathe. “Just _one thing_.”

“Okay,” he says. “Pick one.”

“Perez,” Dex answers instantly. His eyes open. “The flirting.” He needs to get his wits about him before he starts thinking about making out with a dude in earnest. “How do you make it stop?”

“What, people flirting with you?” Nursey asks, and at once Dex realizes how fucking stupid that sounds. Nursey’s _Nursey_. People will flirt with him literally no matter what. He’s fucking beautiful. But then he says, “You make yourself unavailable.”

Dex is surprised for a real answer. “How?”

“Tell them no,” Nursey says. Dex thunks his head backwards against the door, because that doesn’t feel like enough. “Take yourself off the market.”

“What, like get a boyfriend?” Dex asks. He laughs. He actually, honest to God laughs. “Nursey, come fucking on.”

“Do you not want one?” he asks. “Are you not looking to date? Bruh, I don’t know your head.”

“I just want to _breathe_ ,” Dex tells him, feeling like he’s about to erupt. “I don’t want to date anyone, I don’t want anyone trying to date me. I don’t want the awkwardness of trying to figure out the hidden meaning behind every conversation. I don’t want people trying to second guess if I’m flirting with them because I’m definitely not. I just--”

“So date me,” Nursey says, cutting him off with a shrug.

Dex’s jaw drops. “What.”

Nursey grins, clearly thinking this is funny, which it is not.

“Date me,” he says again. “Not for real. But I’m not looking for anything right now and it is _exhausting_ to have to explain to all of these beautiful people who want to date me why I don’t want to date them. Takes pressure off me, takes pressure off you.”

“I--what?” Nursey only said half of that shit to piss him off but he’s too confused to take a jab at him. “What are you saying?”

“We’ll tell people we’re dating,” Nursey says. “The team’ll know it’s not real. But word’ll spread. People’ll lay off. Give you your space.”

Dex forces himself to swallow. “Sorry. You want me. To… fake date you?”

Nursey’s still grinning. “No. I don’t _want_ you to fake date me. I am merely offering it as a potential solution to this problem you seem to be having.”

Dex… considers it.

“That’s stupid,” he says.

Nursey tips his head to the side, looking amused. “Uh-huh.”

But the thing is, Dex and Nursey already spend an absurd amount of time together.

They’re roommates so they know one another’s schedules, meaning they meet up for lunch on campus at least twice a week, and they’ve got hockey so they’re always walking to practice together, and if they’re not at the Haus enjoying the team or the weather, they’re tucked under some trees near the library or in the library itself getting work done.

If they start a rumor that they’re dating, people might actually believe it.

“That means people would think that you’re dating me,” Dex says, because it’s not really a one way street in these situations.

Nursey nods again. “Yeah, true.” Dex pauses, as if to say, _are you realllly sure you want that?_ “Jesus, Poindexter, you really don’t give yourself enough credit, do you?” Before Dex has time to unpack _that,_ Nursey’s speaking again. “Do you want me to be your fake boyfriend or not?”

“What’re the rules?” Dex blurts, instead of saying _no_ , like any other rational human being.

Nursey laughs. “Of course you need rules,” he says, almost sounding fond. “So we’re doing this? I really don’t mind.”

Dex needs to do this. He needs the breathing room. More than anything, he needs to be in control of _something_ going on in his life.

“Yeah,” Dex says, nodding. “Let’s do this.”

* * *

@SamwellSwallows: OUCH! When we make mistakes, boy do we make them! Public apology and statement here: https://bit.ly/2OlrIct

Dex reads The Swallow’s apology to him more than once, but it doesn’t matter, because the damage has already been done. They sound genuine, because coming-out is a bitch and a half and most of the people who write for The Swallow are queer themselves and know how important and special it is, but still.

They leave the original article up.

Assholes.

* * *

**Unknown**  
Hey Will! This is Patrick.  
Eric gave me your number.

“Fuck,” Dex says, a touch too loud for the library.

Nursey, sitting across from him, smirks. “Yes, dear?” he asks. Dex slides his phone across the table to him. “You expect me to know how to use a fucking android, dude?”

“Just read the goddamn screen,” Dex mutters.

Nursey squints down at the phone before lighting up. “Aw, man! I love Patrick. Why the fuck?” The phone buzzes before Dex can grab it back. “Oh, that’s why.”

 **Patrick**  
I know things with you have been hectic lately.  
I saw The Swallow’s apology, if you can even call it that.  
But I want you to know you have a lot of support. Would you want to grab coffee sometime and talk?

“Don’t text him back,” Dex says. Nursey is texting him back. “I thought you didn’t know how to use a fucking android,” Dex growls, leaning across the table to try and grab his phone, but Nursey scoots back and out of reach. “Nurse!”

“Chill,” he says, sending the message. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Shut up, Aladdin.”

Nursey beams. “I’ll be Aladdin for Halloween if you go as Peter Pan.”

He slides the phone back across the table to Dex, who huffs. “You’ll be Aladdin anyway.”

“That’s such a fucking good costume, dude.”

 **Will  
** Hey Patrick thanks for reaching out. Unsure if you’re asking for coffee for date reasons or friend reasons. If it’s date - I actually have a boyfriend. If it’s friend - I’m free Tuesday afternoon.

Dex looks up at Nursey before saying, “This is a pretty good text. Even though I don’t want coffee with Patrick at all.”

“People,” Nursey reminds him. It’s good to have people. Dex exhales slowly. “We can go to QSU meetings if you want,” Nursey carries on. “I’ve gone a few times.”

 **Patrick**  
Oh!  
Haha  
Just as friends  
I see how that reads though  
Congrats on the boyfriend

“Gimme your phone,” Nursey says, reaching out across the table for it.

“No.”

“Gimme!”

Dex slides it back. “I don’t want to go to QSU yet.”

“Okay,” Nursey says, typing. “But if you do.”

 **Will  
** Derek Nurse is a pain in the ass but he’s my pain in the ass

“This is _so clearly_ a sex joke,” Dex groans when he finally gets his phone back. Nursey goes back to work, looking smug.

 **Patrick**  
Derek sure is something that’s true  
I’ll check my schedule and text you about Tuesday?

 **Will  
** Sounds good

“How have you mastered texting like me?” Dex asks, browsing the messages again once the conversation with Patrick is over.

“Because you text like a 30 year old math teacher,” Nursey answers easily. “Abbreviations exist, Dexy.”

“Tbh,” Dex says, “I hate you.”

Nursey laughs. “Look at me, already rubbing off on you.”

“Enough sex jokes.”

“You’ve got such a dirty mind, babe.”

“Babe?” Chowder asks, approaching the library table that they’ve claimed. Farmer’s probably grabbing them coffee and will be here soon. Nursey leans back, resting his hands behind his head with a grin. “Did you two finally kiss and make up?” he teases, settling down beside Dex.

“Just flirting with my boyfriend,” Nursey answers casually.

Chowder’s mouth falls open. “Boyfriend?” he echoes. He turns to look at Dex. “Very funny.” But neither of them comment, and Nursey looks a little smug. Chowder stands at once, barely having sat down at all. “Are you two--you two aren’t dating are you? That’s a joke. You’re--what’s happening?”

“You’re doing great, C,” Nursey says with a smile. “Now shout something about me and Dex dating so the whole library hears.”

 _“_ You and Dex are _dating?!”_

People’s heads turn. Someone literally stands from their own table to see who it is that Chowder’s talking about.

Nursey grins. “Perfect. Now sit down.”

Chowder looks helplessly at Dex. “Sit down,” Dex echoes with a sigh. And then, softer, “We’re not actually dating.” Chowder settles down, eyes still wide and mouth still gaping. “We’re just pretending?”

The shock on Chowder’s face morphed into confusion. “Explain.”

By the time they finished explaining, Farmer shows up, and they have to explain what’s going on all over again. She slurps loudly from her frappuccino and smiles as Nursey finishes up the story a second time.

“This isn’t gonna backfire at _all_ ,” she says.

“Please don’t give me the added stress of worrying about _that_ ,” Dex mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Nursey reaches across the table like he’s reaching for Dex. “It’ll be fine,” he promises. Dex crosses his arms over his chest. “When have I ever led you astray?” he asks.

“That one time we got super stoned when we were already drunk from the kegster,” Chowder supplies immediately, “and you told Dex that the spins weren’t normal and we ended up in a 24/7 Walgreens trying to by nausea medicine.”

Dex’s face burns. “Why did you have that example on tap?” he mutters.

“I think about that night all the goddamn time,” Chowder answers.

“Still really wish you would delete the evidence.”

“You sprawled out on your back in aisle 5 begging God to release you from your flesh prison is going to be imprinted in my brain for forever,” Chowder says.

Nursey laughs and Dex shoots him a look. “Sorry babe,” Nursey says. “That shit was too funny. But--really, this’ll be fine.”

“Mm-hm,” Farmer agrees. “Totally.” Chowder frowns at his girlfriend and she shrugs, a smile on her face. “It’ll be fine!” she agrees dramatically. “Will,” Farmer turns to him. “I’m sorry The Swallow sucks ass.”

He ducks his head, letting himself exhale. “Yeah me too. Thanks.”

“No, but for real,” Chowder finally agrees. “It’s an insane idea but Nursey’s not gonna let anything bad happen to you. None of us are.” Farmer nods in agreement, and when Dex looks back to Nursey he’s smiling. “When ya gonna make the big announcement?” he asks.

* * *

Dex and Nursey tell (a few people on) the team after their Friday night game.

They decided that it was better if not _all_ of the team knew, not because they don’t trust them but because some of them are more prone to gossip than others, and the more people who believe it the better. So long as the people who matter most to them know they’re not being lied to.

Besides, they’re all riding this win so they’re more likely to just go with it.

When they announce it, Ollie and Wicks exchange a look like they can’t believe it and Bitty’s eyebrows shoot right up his forehead.

“And this is…” Bitty wonders, “because Dex doesn’t want people flirting with him?”

“The logic is not soundproof,” Dex admits tiredly.

“You’re adults,” Bitty rushes, holding up his hands as if to show he’s not going to challenge them.

“We need you all to help spread the word,” Nursey carries on. “Specifically, at the kegster tonight.”

“People are gonna be devastated you’re already off the market,” Wicks says.

“Like for real,” Ollie agrees. “But we got you.”

“For real.”

Bitty says something about how he’s sure it won’t even come up but agrees to be supportive. Shitty and Jack show up a few minutes later and chaos erupts. Shitty hurries upstairs to help Lardo make some tub juice and Jack is whisked away by Bitty and they open the doors to whoever’s on their way.

Dex makes his usual rounds (albeit a bit faster than usual) before finding Nursey still in the kitchen, perched with two plastic cups. He offers it up and Dex nods, thanking him with a smile. He must’ve got them from upstairs while Dex was socializing.

“Perez is here,” Nursey says, passing Dex his cup. Dex groans and closes his eyes. “What do you want me to do? I can challenge him to a sing-off for your hand, and--”

“No, stop,” Dex mutters, opening his eyes to find Nursey smirking. “Just don’t leave me alone.”

“Easy,” Nursey hums. He reaches out with his free hand to lace their fingers together. He pulls Dex a step closer and Dex lets himself be pulled but turns, taking a big swig of his drink as he does so. “My hands are gonna be all over you,” Nursey murmurs while Dex is still drinking and he nearly chokes. “You wanted the Derek Nurse boyfriend experience,” Nursey reminds him warmly.

Dex lowers his drink. “Fine.”

“It wasn’t an option, baby.” Nursey’s voice is warm and he’s still smiling. It makes Dex’s stomach roll. “Tell me if it’s too much,” he adds.

Dex nods and stubbornly tries to keep the red from his face. He’s going to need a lot of alcohol tonight, he thinks.

When Holster and Ransom show up they’ve got a keg so there’s not much time to greet them and loop them into the fake dating thing. They say quick hellos before dispersing into the crowd. 

It’s a pretty standard party at first. Even though Dex knows he should go easy seeing as he’s on perpetual Nursey Patrol with this fake dating thing (one of Ollie and Wicky’s conditions), he finishes his first cup of tub juice in record time. Nursey nurses his own.

“We have to make an announcement,” he says.

Dex wishes he hadn’t downed his cup so fast because now he’s itching for it. “Like. An announcement?” Dex asks. “What’s that mean?”

“People see me like this,” Nursey says, leaning close, “they’ll just think I’m drunk.”

“Aren’t you?”

Nursey smirks. “Poindexter, _please_ don’t insult me.” He rearranges himself in front of Dex. “You want people to know you’re mine, right?”

Dex’s ears are burning. “Is this how you talk to all the people you date or are you being dramatic?”

“I’m setting the scene,” Nursey says. He keeps his voice soft, his mouth close to Dex’s. “Relax a little, Dex. We’re at a party in the Haus. No one here’s gonna fuck with you.” Dex’s eyes drift shut. He can feel the music shaking the building, he can feel Nursey in his space. “We don’t have to do this,” Nursey reminds him.

“We already told Bitty,” Dex mutters. “Now we have to follow through.” Nursey laughs and pulls back, giving Dex enough courage to open his eyes again. “I need another drink,” Dex tells him. “I’ll be back.”

“I’ll set a plan.”

“God help us.”

Nursey’s laughter follows Dex as he races up the stairs with his plastic cup to get more tub juice. When he gets back downstairs, Nursey’s formed a small crowd around him and fills Dex in immediately. Everyone’s been recruited to start a casual conversation with _someone_ relevant and draw them in. And then the couple announcement will be made.

“Seems dramatic,” Dex muses.

“Did you expect anything less?” Farmer asks.

Holster and Ransom are chatting up two volleyball players who might know April and March and behind them are the Swallow staff members that Chowder and Farmer slowly coaxed this way by aggressively making out a in their peripheral. Shitty struck up a conversation with a few newer captains because he wanted to make sure Bitty wasn’t being fucked over and slowly started easing this way to add to the nearby listeners.

“The more important people who overhear that we’re together,” Nursey reasons, “the faster it’ll spread.”

“Seems doubtful,” Dex responds.

“ _If you change your mind_ ,” Nursey starts singing, which throws Dex so off that he almost spills some of his tub juice. “ _I’m the first in line_.”

Holster stops mid conversation and turns to Nursey with a grin, “ _Honey I’m still free!”_

 _“Take a chance on me!”_ Nursey sings back.

Together they sing, “ _If you need me, let me know, gonna be around! If you’ve got no place to go if you’re feeling down!_ ” Nursey and Holster high-five the second they’re done, Holster grinning like a big doof with Ransom shaking his head fondly behind him.

“Dude!” Holster laughs. “Yes!”

“Parties need more singing,” Nursey returns. "Told you I'd get a sing-off. Idea,” he says, turning to Dex. “Karaoke kegster.”

“So many people would come to that,” Ransom adds, joining the conversation. “You could get so many people to do duets. Ollie and Wicky,” he says.

“Or Jack and Bitty,” Holster agrees.

“Or our new favorite couple,” Chowder blurts. Holster and Ransom exchange a look before Chowder shouts, “Nursey and Dex!”

Everyone nearby stops what they’re doing and turns. Nursey is moving with ease in Dex’s direction, like he doesn’t even have to think about it. He drapes his arm over Dex’s shoulder and tugs him close while waving to everyone with the other arm.

“It’s still new,” Nursey says. Then, because he must know a Swallow “reporter” is nearby, adds, “We’re trying to keep it quiet.”

“Huh,” Ransom says. “Like, you two are dating?”

“Us two are dating,” Nursey says.

“Legitimately?” Holster presses.

“Weird for me too,” Chowder says.

“Legitimately,” Dex finally comments.

Ransom nods. “Nice.”

“How’d it happen?” Holster asks.

“Oh--please,” Dex stutters out. He hasn’t been able to tell them yet but Holster and Ransom are both beaming at him. “Not now?”

“Sure, dude,” Holster says. “No biggie. We’ve got all night.”

“And a fucking _group text_ that you have clearly been neglecting,” Ransom adds.

“And like, a million more ABBA songs to be sung.”

Nursey and Holster high-five another time while Dex knocks back most of his second cup of tub juice. He feels like he’s in high school again, the way he watches people just outside their bubble whisper to one another while looking in his direction. He tense a little and Nursey redirections his attention back to him, one of his eyebrows slowly creeping up his forehead.

“Nothing,” Dex murmurs.

Nursey leans up and presses a soft kiss to Dex’s temple. It’s stupidly familiar and soft in ways that Dex isn't prepared for. He did say he'd be all over him to night, but Dex had pictured it looking different. 

Not five minutes later, Farmer tells Dex to check Twitter.

@SamwellSwallows: Still trying to figure out who the gayest team at Samwell is? Confirmed from their latest hockey #kegster -- Nurse and Poindexter are a Thing! Massive points for #SMH. #nurseydex anyone?

“That was fast,” Dex mutters. He shoves his phone back into his pocket with a sigh and finishes his drink.

Nursey rests his hand on Dex’s lower back, firm and gentle all at once. “You still feeling okay about this?”

“Yeah. Just need more alcohol.”

“Finish that first,” Nursey says, gesturing to the cup in his hand. “I’ll be right back.”

Nursey leaves him with Farmer and Chowder, dragging Holster and Ransom along with him. The crowd pushes in and sends them farther down the hallway from where they started. At some point Farmer gets distracted by the volleyball girls that had been talking to Holster and Ransom, and eventually Chowder gets distracted by Farmer, and before he knows it Dex is alone.

It doesn’t last long.

Gordon Perez swoops in like he’d been waiting.

“Poindexter,” he greets.

“Perez,” Dex returns.

“Come here often?”

“I live here, dude.”

Perez laughs. “Right. So I saw the Swallow.”

“I feel like we’ve had this conversation?” Dex wonders.

“No, their tweet from tonight.” He shakes his head a little. “No wonder you ran off on me,” Perez says with a grin as he leans against the wall like he wants to drag this conversation out. Dex has no desire for this to happen. “You had Nurse waiting for you.”

Dex drops his head and lifts his cup for a drink. “Sorry.”

“Nah, hey, I get it.” Still, his smile is lazy. “But that might not work out. I mean it’s Nurse, we’re talking about.”

Dex’s eyes grow dark. “And?”

“I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt to keep your options open,” Perez says with a shrug. “He acts like he’s all chill but Derek’s a fucking mess and he’ll screw anything that walks. Just be careful.”

“Fuck you,” Dex snaps, immediate.

Perez’s smile slips. “I’m just warning--”

“No, fuck you,” Dex says again. “You don’t know Nursey. And you don’t know me, if you think that I’m just going to sit here and let you shit talk my fucking boyfriend.” He stands up a little straighter, shaking his head. “Get the fuck away from me.”

Perez leans off the wall. “Calm down, Poindexter.”

“Please don’t make me swing in my own Haus,” Dex growls, clenching his cup so hard in his fist that it crackles. He knows that Perez has barely even said anything but honestly _how fucking dare him_. “Because honestly I'm starting to want to.”

“I didn’t even say--!”

“Whoa, whoa,” Nursey returns, easing himself between the two of them at once. He angles his body’s in Dex’s direction and blocks his view of Perez. “What’s going on?” he asks and there’s real concern in his voice.

“I was just telling him to go,” Dex grits out.

“Seems your presence isn’t wanted, Perez,” Nursey says loudly, though his attention is still on Dex. “So fuck off already.” Perez mutters something distasteful before marching away in the opposite direction. Nursey swiftly takes his place, leaning against the wall. “I got held up by Lardo,” Nursey offers. “The fuck did I miss?”

“He was talking shit,” Dex mutters. He lifts his drink and finishes it off before finding a nearby trash bin to toss it into. It’s almost overflowing so it nearly bounces out, but Dex knows they’re going to have a hell of a time cleaning tomorrow anyway so whatever. “About you,” he finally clarifies.

“It’s because I’m a roadblock and he wants your dick.”

“No it’s because he _is_ a dick,” Dex corrects.

Nursey laughs warmly. “Aw, babe.”

“Nurse, I’m serious,” Dex tries, and something on Nursey’s face actually eases back. “He’s an asshole.” Nursey’s eyes grow dark, almost sad, and he nods. “I know who you are,” Dex says. He wants to ease that look right off of his face, and the tub juice is loosening his tongue. “And maybe you’re a mess sometimes but you’re loyal and you’re good and you care about people.”

“I care about you,” Nursey returns quietly.

For some reason that makes him forget about Perez completely.

“I care about you too,” Dex whispers.

Nursey smiles again, taking a step closer. “Well cool, seeing as I’m your boyfriend and all.” His easy buzz topples into tipsy and Dex’s eyes dart down to Nursey’s lips. “Forget Perez,” Nursey murmurs.

“Who?”

Nursey grins. “Can I kiss you?”

Dex’s ears burn. “Why?”

“Cuz I’m your boyfriend, Dexy,” Nursey murmurs, half-joking half-not, leaning in a step closer. “We’re at this party. Boyfriends make out at parties.” Dex’s eyes are still lingering on Nursey’s mouth, his wet lips parted just a few inches away. “Let me kiss you,” Nursey murmurs, like he’s still asking for permission, like he _wants_ to kiss Dex and he wants to do it well. Like he wants it to mean something.

Dex knows his face is burning but he can’t be sure at what. Mostly he wants to blame it on the alcohol but he knows his tolerance is actually pretty high. This whole fake-dating thing is complicated. Is Nursey flirting with him or just being a good friend? Maybe both? Maybe he’s just offering because he thinks that’s what Dex expects out of this?

“You don’t have to,” Dex finally says.

Something warm flashes on Nursey’s face. “You think too much, Poindexter.” His arm slides around Dex’s waist and he leans in, close enough that their noses brush. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Dex answers.

Nursey’s lips find his at once. It’s nothing like Dex expects it to be. He’s kissed guys before so he’s prepared for all of that, but of course Nursey’s different. He doesn’t expect the soft touch of Nursey’s hand cradling his cheek. He isn’t expecting Nursey’s mouth to be so wet. He doesn’t know how he couldn’t have anticipated the calm that settles inside of him, the way the music fades around them, the feeling of Nursey pressed against him being all that matters in that moment.

When Nursey’s mouth curves into a smile, Dex can feel it, and he sighs. Nursey nips at Dex’s bottom lip then, melting into the kiss as though his sigh was him opening up for deeper kisses. He slides his arm around Nursey’s waist and tugs and Nursey groans, hitching his hips forward. The calm that rested inside of Dex is replaced with something urgent. It shifts until it’s in his fingertips, slipping beneath Nursey’s shirt and sliding up against his back.

“ _Will_ ,” Nursey gasps, and Dex loses himself in the sound of it. “He’s really gone now,” he rasps, burying his face into Dex’s neck.

Something inside of Dex stutters. “What?”

“Perez,” he murmurs, pressing lazy kisses to Dex’s skin. But something about it feels wrong now and Dex’s hands fall to his sides. “He was still--”

“No, I know. I know.” He feels his body pull taut and he lifts his hands, firm against Nursey’s hips as they nudge him backwards. “Thanks, Nurse. We’re good.”

Nursey pulls back, eyes dark as they flicker to Dex’s lips. “...Yeah?” he wonders.

Of course this wasn’t a moment.

Nursey’s just doing this to be polite. There aren’t any _feelings_ here, at least not from Nursey. Fake-dating Dex means he can’t hook up with anyone else, so of course he has to get it when he can.

“Yeah,” Dex lies.

What other option does he have? He can’t fucking have feelings for _Nursey_.

Nursey seems sated by this, his smile growing slow and lazy. “How many guys have you kissed?” Nursey asks.

“Three,” Dex answers. Shakes his head. “Four. You’re four.”

“Dex, you monster,” Nursey chirps. “Three before me? Here at Samwell? When?”

Dex tries to shove Nursey’s chest but Nursey stays planted where he is, gazing into Dex’s eyes like he’s _actually_ his boyfriend, like they’re just teasing around with one another. And Dex is maybe a little buzzed, so he rolls with it, because it can’t possibly hurt any more than it already does. His hands linger on Nursey’s chest.

“Two here, one at home.”

“Three here,” Nursey corrects smugly.

Dex’s eyes linger on Nursey’s mouth. “Three here,” he echoes. And then Nursey’s leaning in again, like this is some sort of normal thing that they do, making out against the kitchen wall, and Dex doesn’t _want_ to push him away.

So he doesn’t.

He opens his mouth for Nursey’s and groans as the feeling of Nursey’s tongue brushing against his own. “How do I stack up?” Nursey murmurs.

“Is this a game for you?”

Still, Dex clutches Nursey’s shirt to pull him back in, which apparently enough of an answer for Nursey’s question because he’s grinning into the next kiss, winding his arms around Dex as though he means it. For so long Dex only had _arguments_ with Nursey, and that was hardly a friendship. Even now that they’re closer, roommates even, doesn’t mean they always get along. So to feel Nursey smile like this against his mouth, to know that Dex is part of that? It’s hot. It’s really hot.

“We gotta stop,” Dex chokes out, releasing his hold on Nursey’s shirt. He can’t get a hard-on right now. He absolutely cannot get a hard-on while drunkenly making out with Derek Nurse. Nursey nods but manages a few more kisses, softer, before taking an intentional step backwards. “Above and beyond the call of duty,” Dex says, looking somewhere near Nursey’s shoulders, because looking Nursey in the eye right now is definitely not an option. “Way above and beyond, Nurse.”

“Chill,” Nursey hums.

“And you ruined it.” He pulls back, eyes narrowing. “Did you even get me a drink?”

“I told you I got distracted!”

“I literally hate you.”

Nursey throws his head back in a laugh while Dex sneaks past him, desperately needing more alcohol. After snagging a bottle of Fireball from the counter to take swigs from, he steps outside onto the back porch, seeking solace. Instead, all of the alcohol he’s had thus far hits him like a brick in the face. The world sways and he stumbles, reaching out for something to steady him.

He and Nursey just made out.

And it was really good.

Dex drags his hands over his face and lets himself think about Nursey’s mouth for 30 seconds. He’s got 7 seconds left when the door to the back porch opens again and Holster and Ransom stumble out, wound up in each other. They grin when they spot Dex, they only really got to say hi for a second earlier, but Dex is thinking about Nursey and d-men and Holster and Ransom and he is such a fucking idiot that he isn’t thinking at all.

“Nursey smiles when he kisses,” Dex blurts. Ransom tugs the door shut and arches an eyebrow, waiting for Dex to continue. It takes him a second because he takes another swig of Fireball, wincing as it goes down. “Like--the fuck am I supposed to do with that information?”

“Did you not already know that?” Ransom wonders.

“You could make out some more?” Holster offers. Dex lifts his hand up to his face and swallows his groan as Holster adds, “We saw you two in the kitchen.”

“It’s not like that,” Dex mutters. Holster guffaws in confusion. “It’s not!”

Ransom grins, shrugging a little. “It’s alright, Dex. I mean, it surprised us. But.” He leans into Holster’s side, his arm sliding around his waist with all easy intimacy. “Happens.”

Dex glances between him and Holster, still leaning on one another, using each other to stand up, and lets out a soft breath.

But Nursey and Dex, they’re _not_ Ransom and Holster. Whether they’re actually fucking in love with each other or just fucking, Dex can’t be sure, but at least Ransom and Holster have a solid baseline of friendship in their relationship. He doesn’t know the details and quite frankly doesn’t need to, but they’re serious about each other.

Nursey and Dex… aren’t.

“We’ve had a few drinks,” Dex tries to explain, because it’s important to him that Ransom and Holster know that it doesn’t always just _happen_. “And he’s just--” God, it sounds so cringey to actually tell them, “-- _pretending_ to be my boyfriend--”

Ransom’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh!”

“Haha.” Holster says, “We did that once too.”

“--because I outed myself before I was ready--”

“Damn, Dex,” Ransom whistles, though Dex is sure he knows the story.

“--and apparently the thought of interacting with a guy who actually might be interested in me makes me dizzy with anxiety--”

Holster sighs, “Brutal.”

“--so Nursey offered to be the, well, Chowder called it a Crypt Keeper because neither of us are getting laid during this arrangement--”

“A problem easily solved,” Ransom says.

“--and now we’re here and one thing led to another and--”

“You made out in Bitty’s kitchen,” Holster finishes. “Nice work.” Dex sighs. He’s so fucking tired. And drunk. He should really not be talking this much. He startles at the feeling of Holster’s hand on his shoulder. “That’s a lot to unpack, bro. You wanna do it, or you wanna smoke? Maybe both?”

Dex considers the blunt that Holster’s holding. He’s not a big smoker.

“No,” he settles with. He feels like an embarrassment, to say these things to these two people who he looks up to and respects. Their love for one another, no matter what kind of love it is, has always been something Dex wanted. “I want none of those things. I’ll let Nursey know you’re out here though.”

“Chill,” Holster says, like he knows it’s going to annoy Dex, and smirks when Dex narrows his eyes at him. “If you wanna make out some more though we won’t interrupt.”

Ransom laughs and nudges Holster who elbows him back with a grin.

“Sorry we didn’t tell you right away,” Dex adds, looking down.

“Feelings are hard, bro,” Ransom says. “No biggie.”

Dex wanders back inside after another swig of Fireball and makes a few laps. His brain is definitely fuzzy at this point and he can’t stop thinking about Nursey’s mouth against his own, Nursey’s hands easing up under his shirt. He isn’t sure how much time passes before he finds Nursey again, tucked in the hallway in easy conversation with Shitty and Lardo. Dex’s heart stumbles a little.

Nursey really is beautiful.

The smile on his face is more genuine than anything Dex has seen in a while. He’s always like this with Shitty, a softer version of himself. The two of them went to Andover and there’s something in that where they hold pieces of one another, an understanding of a past version of themselves. It loosens Nursey’s shoulders, draws out his laughs.

Dex shakes his head. Too much alcohol. The Fireball is starting to make things spin. 

“Nurse,” he calls, and Nursey turns at once. When his eyes find Dex they change, warming like the sun on a spring morning, and Dex loses all sense of himself. The smile that follows is sweeter than any April bloom. “Uh--”

“C’mere,” Nursey calls, reaching out for him. He ends up by Nursey’s side, mirroring the way Lardo’s tucked into Shitty’s. “Where’d you run off to?” Nursey asks.

“Holtz and Rans had me outside,” Dex says, remembering the whole reason he’d been looking for Nursey in the first place. “They’re smoking, if you wanna join.”

“Dicks,” Lardo says, looking toward the door. “And they didn’t invite us?”

“Aw, you two go,” Nursey says.

“We live with those bastards,” Shitty says, gesturing widely. “It’s fine, we’ll--” Lardo nudges him sharply, making a face, and jerks her head toward Dex like he’s supposed to understand something. Shitty hums, nods, and smiles at them. “We’ll go,” he says. “Larissa,” he offers dramatically, extending his hand, and she rolls her eyes fondly before accepting it.

They stroll away together, Lardo winking over her shoulder, and Nursey turns then to lean backwards against the wall. He puts a lot of space between them but still he feels close. Dex is starting to think that he drank more than he realized. Shitty’s tub juice is stronger than he remembers.

“You okay?” Nursey asks softly.

Dex shakes his head. He’s thinking in poems, something’s _way_ off. “Think I had too much,” he murmurs.

Nursey nods at once. “We’ll get you to bed.”

Dex nods too, but he’s a little confused. The party’s still got a good hour or so left, Dex is sure, but he knows bed is probably a good option.

“Are you on Dex Patrol?” he asks, and Nursey laughs. “Never needed patrol before,” he muses, mostly to himself. “Who am I becoming?”

“I’m a poor example,” Nursey suggests. “C’mon.” He reaches for Dex, sliding his arm around his back, and guides him from the kitchen. “I only had a little,” he explains. “Stopped once I saw you snag the Fireball.”

“I barely had any of that,” Dex lies.

“Sure.” They make their way slowly up the stairs, one at a time. “Saw Perez take off with some of his baseball bros.”

“Ugh.” He’d forgotten all about Perez. “Good fucking riddance.”

They’re quiet for a few steps. “What’d he say about me?” Nursey asks.

It takes a few moments for Dex’s brain to work its way there. “Something about how I should keep my options open because _you_ can’t be trusted.” Dex wrinkles his nose like even the words taste foul. “Fucking idiot.”

“Well you _should_ keep your options open,” Nursey reminds him quietly, “seeing as we’re not actually dating.” The words feel heavy and Dex lingers at the top of the staircase, taking in what Nursey’s said. He knows it’s true. But after everything that happened tonight it’s a thought that doesn’t sit well with him. “You don’t have to be upset on my behalf, dude.”

“Too late,” Dex says, finally trudging on forward to their room. “He called you a slut and I’m not having it.”

Nursey laughs as he pushes open their door. “He called me a slut?” Nursey echoes.

Dex huffs. “It was implied.” He drags his hands over his face and stumbles forward. “You don’t have to stay,” he says, starting to kick off his shoes.

Nursey snags his hand before he can get too far, tugging him backwards just a touch. “Will,” he murmurs. “We’re okay?”

Dex blinks, confused. “We’re okay,” he answers right away, because of course they’re okay, and he doesn’t want Nursey to think anything else for even a second. The alcohol has made him fuzzy and to hear _Will_ on Nursey’s lips so often tonight makes Dex’s thoughts stumble. “Derek,” he says.

Nursey’s smile blossoms. “Yeah?”

Dex isn’t sure what he wants to say. “Thanks,” is all that comes out. “For…”

Nursey dips his head, looking toward the ground with a smile. “Night, Dex.”

“Try not to wake up the entire nation when you come in, yeah?”

Nursey chuckles. “No promises.”

“Klutz.”

“Mmm.” Nursey tugs Dex back toward him and winds his arms around him in easy familiarity. It’s not that the kissing wasn’t great, but this is better somehow. Dex drops nuzzles his face close to Nursey’s neck and breathes him in. “You’re gonna be okay,” Nursey whispers, slowly dragging his hand up Dex’s back. “I know that this isn't how you wanted it.”

Dex squeezes his eyes shut. Honestly, he hadn’t even been spiraling about his coming out tonight. But now in the quiet of their room, with Nursey holding him close, it rushes back. It’s always teetering just on the edge.

“I’m glad it’s you,” he forces out, voice small. “You always make things feel… safe.”

“You are safe,” Nursey tells him.

“I know,” Dex murmurs. He doesn't sound like himself when he says, “You’ve got me.”

Nursey’s voice is even softer when he echoes, “I’ve got you.”

Dex knows in the morning this moment will feel distant, foggy, and he wants to linger in it now. It’s difficult to admit the alcohol lowers his walls but he feels open now, like he has to say something.

“If you ever need out,” Dex says, “just tell me and it’s over.”

Nursey seems to be lingering too. His breath is warm by Dex’s ear. “Sure, dude.”

“Like, if someone does come along,” he carries on, unsure when they started whispering, “that you wanna be with. You know?”

“Uh-huh. No, sure, yeah.” Finally Nursey pulls back and when he does so, he’s smiling. Dex _knows_ Nursey is soft. Like, he’s seen it with other teammates. But for him to be soft like this with him is different. "Same goes for you." 

“I need to sleep,” Dex murmurs quickly.

“Take my bunk if you need it,” Nursey tells him, fleeing to the door like maybe he realized something damning too.

He’s gone in an instant and the room is quiet. Dex considers it. Having Nursey’s bed will save him if he ends up laying down and having to puke. But Dex’s rational side wins out for maybe the first time all goddamn night and after shucking off his jeans he climbs up to his bed anyway.

He’s asleep the moment his head hits the pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come on and slam  
> and welcome 2 the jam

Waking up is a fucking nightmare.

Dex cracks open his eye and rolls away from the window to find a full water bottle and a bottle of advil shoved into the crack of his bunk so they can’t fall. He scrambles to get the lid off and pops three (yes, three) into his mouth before swallowing them dry. Then he chugs half of the water bottle.

He’s back asleep before he can form a coherent thought.

Dex wakes up about an hour later, still closer to 7 than he’d like it to be, and climbs down the ladder with more grace than he expects for how hungover he is. Nursey doesn’t even stir at the creaking of the old bunks.

He takes his time in the bathroom because it seems like the rest of the Haus is still asleep and one life-giving shower later he pulls on a pair of sweats to head down to assess the damage.

It’s not as bad as he expects it to be. It’s not great, sure, but there’s been worse.

When he hears noise in the kitchen he heads that way, looking for the source of it, surprised to find Holster and Ransom in there. He knew they were staying the night but Dex isn’t sure where they slept. Maybe Ollie and Wicks made space for them in the attic? Dex can't be sure.

He lingers in the doorway, watching Holster press his forehead to Ransom’s shoulder as he winds his arms around Ransom’s waist. He murmurs something that Dex can’t hear, causing Rans to laugh and turn around to face him. Holster smiles at him, sleepy but warm, and Ransom smiles back, and it’s so sweet and familiar that it makes Dex’s ears burn.

He wants that.

 _No you don’t_ , he thinks bitterly.

But he does. Who doesn’t? Casual intimacy with someone? Shared smiles that say so much more than words? He thinks of Nursey from the night before, the way he pressed his forehead to Dex’s like he’d thought about doing it before. He remembers the brush of Nursey’s fingertips along his jawline, the thoughtfulness in each kiss, the clarity in his green eyes despite the fact that they’d been drinking.

“Hey, Dex!” Holster greets.

Dex is shaken from his thoughts. “Hey, sorry,” he says, striding into the kitchen. “Just not used to people other than Bitty up this early.”

“We’re heading out soon,” Ransom says, shifting away from Holster like they hadn’t been twined together just moments ago. “Wanted to help clean up a little before we left.”

Rubbing his hand over his face, Dex nods. “Yeah, that’s great. Thanks, guys.”

They operate in silence for a bit cleaning up some remnants of the party until the majority of the kitchen is cleaned of trash. It’s still going to need a thorough wipe-down, but Dex can handle that on his own.

Holster scans the rooms and nods. “Nice work.”

“‘Swawesome party,” Ransom adds. “You have a nice time?”

Dex feels his face burning at once, which makes his head hurt. “It was fine,” he says.

“Hmmm.”

“You and Nursey sure are different than I remember,” Holster comments.

Dex exhales. “Yeah.”

“He’s a good bro,” Ransom carries on. “Fake-dating you, and all that. Samwell’s great but it can be a bit much.”

Even though his face still burns, it feels like someone’s pulled something loose in him. Someone who understands. It makes Dex settle. “Yeah,” he says. The three of them stand there another moment before Dex takes a deep breath. “You said you two had done that before,” Dex murmurs. “The fake boyfriend thing. How’d it end up?”

Holster and Ransom share the softest smile.

“Pretty good,” Holster answers.

Dex can’t even hope for it. “Cool,” he says quietly. “I’ll let everyone know you said goodbye?”

The two of them grin. They give Dex a real goodbye, hugging him like he’s the middle parts of a s’more, before sneaking out. It’s weird to think of Holster and Ransom as adults, hurrying out because they have work to do, letting the Haus sleep instead of shouting up the stairwell to kickstart everyone’s hangover.

They’re good guys. Dex really hopes they’re happy.

Dex does his share of cleaning before starting on breakfast. Usually it’s Bitty who cooks after their parties but with Jack over, Dex knows he’s going to sleep in. Dex doesn’t mind. Besides, it’s easy enough to mass scramble eggs for the Haus and his pancakes aren’t as _heavenly_ as Bitty’s but they’re still pretty good.

When the Haus starts waking up, people get to work, stopping in to grab breakfast before starting. Bitty pops in with Jack, gushing with thanks for getting the Haus in gear, but they slip out because Jack has to head back to Providence. Before he goes Jack rests his hand on Dex’s shoulder and squeezes, telling him to call if he needs anything. Nursey hasn’t stirred by the time most people are up so Dex fixes him a plate and takes it upstairs, creeping into their room just in case he’s still sleeping.

He’s awake, scrolling, and lowers his phone when the door opens. “Morning,” he greets, voice deep from sleep. “That for me?”

“Thought you might be hungover,” Dex offers. He flicks on the overhead and walks forward, handing him the plate.

“Psh. I didn’t need even Nursey Patrol last night.” He sits up, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. “ _You_ on the other hand.”

“Me!”

Nursey takes the plate, smiling. “You were real sweet, is all.”

Dex rolls his eyes and tries to stave off his red. “Don’t hide up here all day,” he says. “The longer you wait the worse the jobs get. And I heard someone hurled in the bathroom.”

Nursey wrinkles his nose but tips his head in easy appreciation of the food before Dex moves to slip out again.

“Will,” he calls, stopping Dex in the doorway. “Do we wanna talk about last night at all?”

Dex leans back against the wall. He tries to ignore the cold stone settling in his stomach. It’s probably better to get it out of the way, though. “Which part?”

“Any of it?” he offers. Nursey digs into his pancakes with his fork and shrugs a little. “A lot happened.”

Dex doesn’t know how he wants to approach this. “I don’t think I’m big on PDA,” Dex says, dropping his eyes to the ground.

Nursey stops his bite halfway to his mouth as his eyes grow dark. "Dex--"

"And the kiss was fine," Dex rushes, looking back up, knowing how that might sound. "It was--please don't worry about it. It's just--fake or not I don’t think I’m a making out at parties kind of guy. Even if the making out is pretty good.”

“Wait a second.” Nursey reaches for his phone, holding it up after the _recording_ sound dings through the air. “Say that again for the camera, babe.”

“Fuck you so bad,” Dex says, turning to the door with a laugh.

“Maybe if we feel ready!” Dex shakes his head at him, lingering in the now open doorway as Nursey puts his phone away. “But got it. Holding hands out?"

"Oh, no, that's fine. That's good."

"Chill. Anything else?” he asks.

Not really. “Do you think Holtz and Rans are really together?” Dex returns.

Nursey laughs. “Dude. Come on.”

“What does that even _mean_.”

“They’re like, crazy in love with each other!”

“But like--are they _together_?”

Nursey shoves another bite of pancake into his mouth. “Probably?”

Dex half-groans. He should go finish up downstairs. “Thanks for taking care of me.”

“My absolute pleasure,” Nursey says. “We all gotta fall apart sometimes.”

Dex nods, taking this as his out instead of the conversation starter he thinks Nursey might hope it’s going to be.

* * *

After the party, things are fairly normal.

Bitty “doesn’t check up” on Dex during their weekly cooking sessions and Farmer Chowder and Nursey work together to make most of their shared spaces neutral and easy. Dex settles back into his routine. He goes to practice (with Nursey). He eats three meals a day (mostly with Nursey). He studies in the library with Chowder (and also with Nursey). He considers going to the school therapist but ultimately decides against it (even though Nursey insists to at least give it a shot).

But while a routine is comfortable, Dex knows he can’t let himself get too comfortable. His name is still out there on the internet somewhere tied to a secret he hasn’t yet told his family. There are still parts of him that are ashamed, parts of him that are afraid.

“You should go to QSU,” Bitty suggests, not for the first time.

And also not for the first time, Dex politely declines. Bitty stops pushing after a while, but Nursey doesn’t.

“Tonight we’re watching a documentary,” he offers one night. And another, “We’ve got a speaker coming to talk about queer violence. You could come.”

He makes it an option every night, whether it’s an event or a planning session for future booths or just a bonding session. And it’s nice to have the option, really, but because it’s an option Dex can still say no. And he does.

But then one night Nursey lingers.

“Hey,” Nursey says, voice a little more urgent. Dex huffs, closing his screen just a bit and turning to his roommate, not sure what to expect. “Come with me tonight.”

It’s less of an offer and more of plea, which makes him want to go with it.

Dex looks at him for a moment too long. His eyes end up on the ground. “I don’t know if I’m ready,” Dex says.

“I do,” Nursey urges. “And I’ll be with you the whole time. You don’t have to say a thing. I just--I want you to see how _normal_ it is, Dex. Like any club.” Nursey doesn’t move from the doorway. “Farmer’s bringing her famous sugar cookies,” he finally says. “Almost rival to Bitty’s. Maybe even better. Come have a few.”

Dex thinks about it for a second. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” he says, closing his laptop the rest of the way and pushing himself out of his seat. “You’ll be with me the whole time?” Dex asks again.

“Of course,” Nursey says.

Bitty will be there too, and Farmer, and Ollie and Wicks. It’s not like he’s walking into this alone. He’ll have people all around him, Nursey by his side. It’s just the QSU. It’s not like his parents can see him all the way at Samwell going to a queer club.

He’s an adult, he can do this.

* * *

“...and a big hello to all the new faces out there tonight,” Patrick says at his opening remarks at the meeting. He sees him nod in Dex’s direction and at once, Dex’s cheeks feel hot.

Patrick goes on to talk about a variety of different, non-threatening things. Their semester charity project, the drag bingo event next week, the weekly tabling shifts in the student center.

Nursey holds Dex’s hand the entire time.

In all honesty, Dex starts to forget about it. At first it’s just a need to ground himself on something and Nursey’s there to be that. But then they’re mingling or sitting or brainstorming with other students and he’s still there, holding his hand.

Dex knows how dangerous this is.

After the kegster it’s been harder to not think about Nursey. Now that he knows what really kissing him is like it makes the whole _fake_ part of this burn in the base of his throat. But in spaces like this, spaces where Dex is still too afraid to be full pieces of himself, it’s so easy to let Nursey hold him up. It’s not like Nursey’s pulling away, after all. He's encouraging it. So it's fine. 

When the meeting is over Dex decides that he’s happy he went. It’s just like any other club, full of people who are looking to be proud of things that are important to them. Nursey introduces him to some of his freshman year friends and Bitty to some of his senior friends and it’s nice.

It feels like maybe he can belong here.

“Still on for ice cream?” Farmer asks as they start wrapping up. Her question is directed at Nursey, but she turns to Dex after asking anyway. “We go every week,” she says. “It's right on the walk home.”

“Nursey walks you home?” Dex asks, knowing it’s not exactly the most straightforward path to get to the Haus.

“There’s shitty lighting by the volleyball house,” Nursey says with a shrug. “It makes me nervous.”

“I swear it’s not a big deal,” Farmer says, “but I do appreciate it. So yes or no? Because I can finally redeem my punch card and I’m _ready_.”

“So long as the boyfriend can come,” Nursey says, reaching out for Dex again who accepts his hand without thought.

Farmer rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “I figured that was implied.” She nudges Dex with her elbow. “First QSU meeting celebration ice cream,” she says. “I’m buying.” Then, softer, “I’ve got that punch card so it’s not a big deal.”

Dex laughs, allowing something inside of him to loosen. “That’d be nice,” he admits.

They swing by the ice cream place just the three of them, and while it feels weird to not have Chowder with them it’s also pretty cool that it’s not weird to just be with Farmer. She’s great for Chowder and Dex really hopes to have the both of them in his life for a long time. Her support isn’t a small thing to him.

Nursey insists on paying which might’ve pissed Dex off once but--hey, Farmer should get to use that punch card on herself anyway. They snag a small booth by the windows and eat their cups of ice cream like it’s the only thing that matters. Dex doesn’t think of the disapproval that’s waiting for him at home, just of his queer friends that are dead-set on making him feel like everything’s going to be okay.

“I only ask because I care,” Nursey’s saying in between stealing bites of Dex’s dessert. “And any time I ask C about _future_ he kinda melts down.”

“Well yes,” Farmer says defiantly. “We have talked about it.”

“Don’t get all defensive!” Nursey says with a laugh. “You don’t have to tell me!”

Of course Chowder not being here is an excuse for the three of them to talk about Chowder.

“We…” Farmer says slowly, “think that marriage is definitely a possibility.”

“Aw,” Dex says. “I mean I’d always thought--but hearing you say it--”

“I know,” Nursey agrees with a grin. “It’s so fucking cute.”

“Super,” Dex nods.

Farmer stubbornly refuses to let herself blush and Dex admires that about her. If it was him he’d be a mess of red. “I mean we have been dating for a while,” she says. “That’s things people who are really dating talk about.”

Nursey scoffs. “Don’t even start.”

“What do people who are fake dating talk about?” she tosses back.

“We could talk about marriage,” Nursey says, looking to Dex. “Would you want to get married?” he asks.

Dex laughs a little, playing along. “To you or in general?”

“In general,” Nursey answers. He’s across the booth from Dex so he props himself up on his elbow, smiling softly. “Like, is that a thing you want to be in your future? A husband?”

He nearly forgets that Farmer’s squished in beside him. “Yeah,” Dex answers. “I can’t see a person yet. But I do want that.” Nursey’s smile grows just a little, just enough that Dex feels himself starting to drift into a mess of red anyway. “Do you?” he asks.

“I didn’t used to think so,” Nursey admits. “But now I’m not so sure.”

The only reason Dex remembers Farmer’s still there is because she slurps up the last of ice cream and the noise startles him back. “Well I’m glad to see this is going on just as I’d expected,” she says.

“What does that mean?” Dex asks.

“Hm?”

“How did you expect this to go?” Dex pushes.

“It's just nice seeing you two be sweet,” Farmer says. Nursey’s smile puckers a little and Dex’s face burns in response. It doesn't quite feel like an answer. “I remember when you two couldn’t stop fighting to take a breath. I like watching you get along.”

“It is nice,” Nursey says, and Dex is starting to realize that post-QSU ice cream might be a designated feelings space. Something about that is both freeing and terrifying. “I used to be scared it’d never happen.”

“Really?” Dex asks.

“There was a time when you were so fucking hard to handle,” Nursey admits quietly. “And not like--the kind where you’d tick me off for stupid shit. But it was stuff I didn’t think you’d ever change your mind on. Politically.”

Dex drops his gaze. “It’s still hard sometimes,” he admits.

Maybe they put something in the ice cream. That would make sense.

“Unlearning bullshit is hard to do,” Farmer offers gently. “Especially when you’ve never known another way of thinking could be out there.”

“It was early last year,” Nursey carries on. “Right after summer break. And you’d just said something so fucking--” he laughs, but they all know it isn’t funny.

“That’s when Ransom talked to me,” Dex remembers once Nursey doesn't carry on. “Had to cook with Bitty every weekend for a month,” he adds. It was really great, actually. Dex liked learning to bake and getting to be vulnerable with Bitty in a space like that did wonders for him, and they still cook together all the time. “Started listening more.”

“Sometimes people really don’t want to change,” Nursey says. “I wasn't sure where you'd fall."

Dex thinks back to those assumptions Nursey said he'd made and feels his stomach clench. He can't imagine his life now without Nursey, if he'd built even more walls like he'd wanted instead of letting them down like he's been learning all these years. 

Farmer swoops in with a gentle subject change, asking Dex how he thought the meeting went and if he’d ever be willing to table, and Dex leans into it easily enough. Patrick, the QSU president, ends up being at the same ice cream place with a few others and stops by their table to say hello. It’s all incredibly normal, what a college night with friends should be.

Once they drop Farmer off by the volleyball house Dex doesn’t want to go home. Not yet. Back in his room things will begin to settle in. The walls feel small there and make it hard to breathe but he knows he has to deal with the weight of tonight eventually.

Almost as though Nursey can sense this he asks, “Want to take the long way?”

They take Elm Street and glance up at the Haus as they pass, but neither of them stop to consider turn. Nursey leads them past the commons toward the north of the pond and Dex follows him without any hesitation. Nursey spends more time out here anyway. If he knows the best place to be, Dex trusts him.

It’s a clear night so there are a million stars and even though it’s colder than Dex was dressed for it’s really nice. They walk along the edge of the water and chat about Chowder and Farmer getting married, or shitty professors that they currently have, or things that people who are fake dating may or may not talk about. Dex isn’t sure but he knows he doesn’t care either way.

He likes this. Whatever it is. Being honest and open with Nursey like this is freeing in so many ways.

Nursey pauses as they start heading back. “Hey, uh…” Dex looks up at him. “You’re my best friend,” Nursey says quietly, almost like he’s afraid of it.

Dex knows it’s not the time to laugh but one bursts out of him anyway. “Wow. I just--” Nursey looks up, eyes wide and hurt, and Dex reaches out for him at once. “No, no, you’re my best friend too,” Dex rushes. His hands slip from Nursey’s shoulder to rest on his upper arms. “It’s just that if you’d told me two years ago that Derek Nurse was going to be my best friend it’d be a little hard to believe.”

Nursey eases into a smile of his own, shaking his head just a little. “Or even last year,” he admits, and Dex nods in agreement as he finally lets go of him. “I like… really care about you Will,” Nursey says. Still, his voice is quiet, like this whole moment has to be hushed for it to exist. “I know this is weird, sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” Dex says quietly. He’s trying to make space in his life for conversations like this but he never knows where to start.

“I’m trying this new thing,” Nursey carries on. “My therapist thinks I can be too passive in my care for others so--”

“Oh,” Dex murmurs. “Really?”

“--and it’s just really rare for me to have this,” Nursey tells him. “I feel like all my life I’ve mostly been the one making amends, being chill, trying to get shit to work and people to _like_ me and with you--it’s never been that.” He looks out across the water, winding his arms around himself. “We’ve both worked to get here though. With you I feel equal. Sometimes that’s hard in friendship.”

There’s something in the cover of the night that makes this easier. “It’s special,” he agrees in a whisper.

Nursey turns to look at him, smiling. “It is,” he nods. Still smiling he says, “Sorry. I know you’re not big into feelings.”

Dex laughs. “Yeah, not really. But it’s fine.”

“You won’t do a tarot reading with me which I figured would be the easiest way to have a conversation about how important you are to me so I got stuck with romantic lake walks.”

“You’re just being the best boyfriend,” Dex teases. Nursey shoves his fists firmly into his pockets then, like he’s purposefully trying to keep his hands busy doing something. “No but actually it’s--fine,” Dex says. He’s not sure he’s really ever going to be on the same level as Nursey, but he’s gotten a lot better at expressing his emotions over the past few years too. Something about the team has softened him, shown him the beauty of graceful masculinity, of friendships and openness and honesty. “It’s nice,” Dex amends, because he needs Nursey to know he’s not writing this whole night off. “Thank you, Derek.”

They’re quiet for a moment before Nursey bumps him with his elbow. “You could… say something nice about me?” he wonders. Dex can’t tell if he’s teasing or serious, maybe both, but he bumps him back with his own elbow as they start back to the Haus.

“Drunk confessions don’t count?” Dex asks.

“Absolutely not.”

“Nursey, I think you’re great,” Dex says in a rush. “And all the time I wish we’d been closer sooner.” He winds his arms around himself. “That’s all you get.”

Nursey beams. “That’s plenty.”

Nursey’s got a paper due in the morning so he heads right up to their room when they get back, but Dex lingers in the kitchen. Bitty’s cleaning up his mess from a pie that he’s just finished after the meeting and the smells from the oven are heavenly.

“You have a nice time?” Bitty asks as Dex drops into a seat at the table.

Dex glances over his shoulder as though Nursey’s still there even though he knows he went upstairs. “I did,” he admits quietly. “It’s… nice,” he says. “Being in a space like that and not having to worry.”

Bitty beams. “It is,” he agrees. “I’m really glad you came. Where’d y’all go after?”

“Oh, we walked Farmer back. Stopped for ice cream.”

“Just you and Nursey?”

“No all three of us went for ice cream. But after we dropped her off Nurse and I hung out by the pond for a while.”

“Mmm…” Bitty trails off before shoving some more dishes into the dishwasher. “How’s that going?”

“How’s what going?” Dex asks, knowing his voice is sharper than he means. Bitty looks back at him with an arched eyebrow. “Sorry.”

“No need to get defensive, Dex, I’m just checking in.” Still, Dex crosses his arms over his chest. “Seems like it’s okay,” Bitty adds, returning to the dishwasher. “Still not sure I’m on board with the whole fake dating thing but I mean, it worked out for Holtz and Rans.”

Dex’s face burns. “That’s not--” he stops talking when Bitty turns back to look at him, closing up the dishwasher. He’s super over this comparison. “We’re _not_ Holtz and Rans,” he reminds Bitty.

“D-men are d-men,” Bitty suggests. “Y’all love each other in special ways.” Dex feels something inside of him loosen at Bitty’s words because Bitty’s right.

He does love Nursey.

Fake boyfriend aside, Nursey’s grown to be his best friend. Over the past three years Nursey’s seen him at his worst, celebrated with him at his best, helped shape Dex into the person that he’s always wanted to be. Of course Dex loves Nursey. He’s one of the best people that Dex has ever known. Even just tonight they spoke about how important they are to one another.

“Dex?” Bitty asks.

But he _has_ to think about the fake boyfriend thing. He can’t stop himself from knowing the softer moments between them. Nursey’s hand in his own. The kissing at the kegster. The walk by the lake tonight under the moonlight.

He loves Nursey but to think that there might also be something more?

“What?” Dex asks.

“You alright?”

Dex’s arms ease from over his chest until they’re kind of sitting in his lap. “I don’t know,” he whispers. “Nursey…” he trails off before remembering where he is, glancing over his shoulder like someone’s listening. Instantly he shutters himself, pulling his arms back up and setting his jaw. “I’m fine.”

Bitty doesn’t look upset, just confused. “Did Nursey say something?” he asks.

“What?”

“Well you said Nursey, Honey, I don’t know.”

Dex doesn’t say anything for a long time, and Bitty doesn’t prompt him. Eventually though Dex stands from the table. “I’m tired,” he says. “Had a long day.”

“Big day, yeah,” Bitty agrees, though he seems skeptical of the shift. “Hey, I’m really proud of you, Dex. For everything you’re doing.”

Dex looks down. “It’s hard,” he says.

Bitty nods. “I’ll text when the pie’s ready,” he tells him.

* * *

Dex means to say something to Nursey.

He really does.

Things between them are getting a little more blurred and sometimes it’s difficult to figure out of they’re doing their fake boyfriend thing or not. It feels like a conversation that should be had. But every time Dex goes to start he realizes he can’t.

He isn’t ready for his new normal to change yet, and that conversation would change _something_.

So he flirts a little because it’s easier when it’s a lie and he lets Nursey stand close even though he knows there can’t possibly be another living soul around to see them. They don’t kiss again but sometimes Dex thinks they get close.

They go to QSU and get ice cream with Farmer and stay up late sitting on Chowder’s floor and letting Nursey talk through his latest tarot reading. Sometimes they hold hands, or Nursey will kiss his temple.

It’s a mess but it’s comfortable for now. Dex likes the easy intimacy and he’s glad he gets to do it with Nursey. Feelings, and queerness, and all of it is just so, so messy, so it's easy to not talk about.

It doesn’t really become an issue until the roadie.

They lose. Again. Which is really fucking frustrating when it finally becomes the third in a row, and even worse because Dex is 99.8% certain it’s his fault.

They were on the ice, down in the last couple of seconds, when he’d heard a slur that caught him more off guard than it should. It hadn’t been the first time he’d heard it, not before _or_ after the whole Swallow debacle, but for some reason this time pulled him from the game and made him stumble.

Which led to the other team getting past him and scoring a point.

“What happened?” Nursey asked, skating up to him after in confusion. “We almost had it!”

Dex just shook his head.

Now they’re in their hotel room for the night and Dex feels like there’s something crawling under his skin. No matter what he does it lingers, down his back, across his elbows. Nursey keeps looking at him like he’s worried but he hasn’t said anything yet.

Eventually he clears his throat. “I can grab Chowder,” he says. “We can all pile into the same bed and watch something on Disney Channel, like old times. Yeah?”

“Tonight was my fault,” Dex answers. Nursey’s shaking his head at once, striding out to Dex on the other side of the room. “Someone said--and it just caught me off guard, Nurse, I don’t know.”

“What’d they say?”

“Normal homophobic bullshit. And so I hesitated and they scored, and--” Nursey rests his hand on Dex’s arm. “I’m such a shitty hockey player,” he mutters.

Nursey rolls his eyes. “No you’re not.”

“I shouldn’t even be on the team if I can’t--” he strides away from Nursey but still Nursey reaches out, snagging his wrist before he can get too far. “I’ve heard that shit before,” he carries on while Nursey pulls him back toward him. “I don’t know why it made me stop like that.”

“Maybe it just feels more real now,” Nursey murmurs. “You were hiding for a while,” he says. “Now you’re not. Means something. Feels different.” Dex swallows. That would make sense. That would make a lot of sense. “And so you got hung up--so what? It happens to all of us.”

“We don’t lose because of it,” Dex says, leaning into the hockey part of this conversation.

“Maybe not always. But one hesitation doesn’t make you a shitty hockey player, Dex. You are one of the most consistently good players on our entire team. You’re steady and fast and you play every game like it’s a fight you need to win. Don’t let one mistake take all that from you.”

Something in his chest clears but still he says, “It’s all shit.”

“You know, I really don’t like it when my boyfriend talks about himself like that,” Nursey says, his voice somehow both teasing and serious all at once.

Dex rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious, babe,” Nursey says, leaning in to nudge him. “You’re too talented for that.”

“Nurse.”

“So as your boyfriend,” Nursey carries on as his smile grows, “I can either get Chowder so we can watch Disney Channel? Or--oh, I could swipe on Tinder for you? That could be fun.”

Dex laughs, leaning forward to push him a little, but Nursey catches his hand and pulls it to rest on Nursey’s hip. Dex steps closer to tighten his grip. “You’re not swiping on Tinder for me,” he answers.

“It’s not like you’re giving me a lot of ideas on how to help you feel better,” Nursey returns, warm. “I could keep complimenting you.”

“Nothing would make me less comfortable,” Dex says.

Nursey laughs. They’re still in one another’s spaces even though they don’t have any real reason to be.

“We could try and get the hotel bar to give us free alcohol,” Nursey tries, voice going softer.

“Nah.”

Nursey’s eyes fall to Dex’s mouth. “Ding dong ditch Tango and Whiskey?”

“I’m okay here,” Dex tells him.

“What can I do?” Nursey murmurs.

Maybe he’s reading this wrong. Like, he very well could be. All of this is incredibly confusing as is. But they’re nose to nose now and they’ve got this hotel room all to themselves.

“Boyfriends comfort each other after losses,” Dex exhales, trying to echo Nursey’s push from the party. _Boyfriends kiss each other at parties_.

Nursey’s eyes linger on Dex’s mouth. “Yeah they do,” he whispers back.

Dex isn’t sure why that’s enough.

Nursey kisses Dex like he’s been thinking about how to do it better since their last one from the party. His fingers curl behind Dex’s ear, his other hand around Dex’s waist. Every touch is gentle, not firm enough for the pressure Dex wants but still _there_ , dizzying. Nursey opens his mouth like he’s sacrificing something and Dex sighs into the space between them, taking whatever’s given to him. Nursey, klutzy as he is, stumbles forward and Dex doesn’t know and doesn’t care if it was intentional or not, because when they bump into Nursey’s bed Dex drags him down with him.

Dex’s legs fall apart and Nursey settles with his hips against him and Dex tries to swallow his groan and fails.

“Shhh,” Nursey chirps, but he’s smirking and his eyes are hooded and he’s so _hot_ , Nursey’s so fucking hot that Dex rolls his hips forward without thinking. Nursey makes some sort of huffy, pleased noise and Dex wants to hear it again and again. “Will,” Nursey rasps, burying his face somewhere near Dex’s neck. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah.”

Nursey’s hands shift, sliding along his waist and up his shirt. “What if we took this off, would that be okay?” he asks.

Dex swallows, nodding. “Yeah.” They work together to get it off and then Nursey takes a minute, leaning back to appraise him. “C’mon, Nurse,” Dex almost whines. His skin feels like it’s crawling, both with a need to have Nursey’s hands on him again and also because Nursey’s just _looking_ at him, lips parted and eyes wide. “Quit.”

“You’re so hot, Dex,” he murmurs leaning down again. Dex’s whole chest is red with embarrassment. “I’m so serious.” He cups Dex’s cheeks and kisses him a little too gently for how filthily he grinds forward. “Holy shit, I can’t get over you.”

“ _Nursey_ ,” Dex actually whines. “Shirt.”

Nursey slips his shirt off in a second and then they’re chest against chest, hands scrambling over one another’s backs to touch as much skin as they can. Dex’s hands linger on the planes of Nursey’s back, on the soft spot behind his neck, on his forearms, gripping tightly to keep him close.

Dex isn’t sure what they’re doing, because this is definitely not fake boyfriend duty, but he can’t stop to think about it now. This feels urgent and Dex can’t stop. He wants all of this as fast as possible.

“Dex,” Nursey breathes, somewhere by Dex’s throat now. One of his hands slips, closer to Dex’s hip. “Can I…?”

Dex nods. “Anything.”

“Take it back,” Nursey rasps and he sounds particularly vulnerable. He pulls up, his hair a mess from Dex pulling his fingers through it despite trying his hardest not to. “Not anything. I’ll get carried away.”

“So?” Nursey groans and surges up, biting Dex’s bottom lip. With the sting blooms heat and Dex’s hands slide down Nursey’s pants, tugging on his ass. “Take these off.”

“ _Dex_.”

If he can only have this once, he fucking wants it.

“Unless you don’t…?” he trails off, but Nursey shakes his head. “I’ll say something,” he swears. If it goes too far. But he’s pretty sure he and Nursey are on the same page and he wants this so much it makes him ache. But Nursey still looks hesitant and Dex can’t for the life of him figure out why. “ _Derek_ ,” he pleads.

Nursey’s kissing him instantly, tugging on his pants while Dex tastes his tongue.

It’s a mess getting their sweats off but it’s constant contact, filthy grinding and Dex is hazy and warm. When they’re just in their boxers Dex can feel Nursey hard against him and Dex is really trying to be quiet but he gave Derek Nurse a boner and that’s just so fucking _hot_ he nearly comes just thinking about it.

Nursey sucks his way down Dex’s throat and palms him through his boxers and whispers _are you sure? You’re really sure?_ Again and again until Dex wraps his fingers around Nursey’s forearm and shows him what it is he wants. And in between questions about being clean and whispers about _more_ he strokes Dex and murmurs softer things, his voice thick and his breath hot. _That’s good? God, you look so good, so goddamn good. Fuck, Dex._

“Derek,” he pants. “I want--”

“Tell me,” Nursey murmurs.

“You,” Dex rasps, reaching for Nursey’s boxers where he’s hard. He rolls his hips forward as Dex tugs on the fabric. “I want to feel you. Both of us, I--”

Nursey groans against his throat. “Baby, I’m not gonna last long.”

“I don’t care,” Dex pleads. He’s never felt like this before and it leaches into every inch of his skin. He doesn’t care how desperate he sounds. He knows in the morning this will all feel distant. “Please, _please_.”

Nursey laughs, strained, and nods into the next kiss. He makes quick work of his boxers and tosses them aside and this, this is incredible, this is what Dex wanted, to feel the two of them together. Nursey takes them both in his hand and Dex moans and it’s fucking filthy.

He bites Nursey’s shoulder to stop himself from being so loud and Nursey moans, uncaring. Dex sucks his way up Nursey’s throat while Nursey whines, soft and desperate words into the space between them.

“ _Fuck_ , your _hands_ ,” Dex exhales as he squeezes his eyes shut. “God, Derek.”

Dex reaches up himself and cups Nursey’s cheeks to kiss him.

“Will,” he breathes. “I’m--”

“It’s fine,” Dex stops him. “Me too.”

They don’t come at the same time but it’s pretty damn close and it’s too goddamn much for Dex to handle. He’s only had a few orgasms at the hands of someone else a couple of times in his life and this, with Nursey, knocks everyone else out of the water.

It’s a mess and a half and Nursey convinces him, once they catch their breath, that they should step into the shower. “It’ll be worth it,” he murmurs from somewhere near Dex’s throat. “Then we can sleep.” Dex’s legs wobble as the climb out of bed but Nursey catches him with a little laugh, helping him along. “You okay?” he asks, reaching in to turn the hot water on.

“Yeah.”

He should elaborate, probably. Tell Nursey that this wasn’t necessary, or that fake boyfriends definitely don’t have sex because they’re _fake_ boyfriends. But he is okay. He’s sleepy, and still a little bummed from their loss, but he feels good.

Confused, but this is the normal now.

Right?

They climb into the shower together and rinse off under the warm stream with little words. There’s something soft on Nursey’s face as he watches Dex suds up and Dex wonders if he has that look himself. Normally there’d be chirping. Maybe Nursey’s tired too.

When they climb out of the shower Nursey tosses Dex a towel before grabbing one himself. They got most of their mess on themselves so the sheets are fine but they have a whole other bed completely untouched that they gravitate toward. Dex has half a mind to pull on a pair of sweats before climbing in. Nursey grabs boxers himself before joining, and then they’re just there. Quiet. Looking at each other.

Nursey pulls him in with a hum, draping his arm over Dex’s waist. He nuzzles in toward his ear and presses a warm kiss there. Then another a little lower. And another.

Dex is going to fall asleep. He can feel it. His eyes are heavy and his limbs are weak and Nursey’s still here, sucking soft kisses to Dex’s neck.

It’s too sweet, Dex thinks. Even sweeter when Nursey murmurs, “Do you cuddle after sex?”

A bark of a laugh climbs out of Dex. “Haven’t ever had the chance,” he admits. “Someone always has to go.”

Nursey ends up closer. “Mmm, we should cuddle.” He curls himself around Dex keeping his face near Dex’s collarbone and holds him close. “You really did play great today,” Nursey exhales, and he sounds tired too. They’re both just sleepy. Nothing to linger on. “You always do. No one else I’d rather be my partner.”

“You’re too fucking fond, Nurse,” Dex mutters.

Nursey chuckles, pressing a warm kiss to Dex’s neck. “You’re impossible. I’m literally complimenting you. Just chill for a sec, Dex.”

"We said no compliments."

" _You_ said no compliments," Nursey corrects. 

Dex rolls in Nursey’s arms until they’re looking at one another. He looks fond, too, his mouth curled in a sated smile and his eyes bright and clear.

 _I want this_. He could say it. He could tell Nursey right now that he wants to do this all the time. Not because they want to calm down after a rough game. Not because they have the easy excuse of fake boyfriends. Not because the sex was good. But because it’s _Nursey,_ and Dex really wants to be with Nursey.

Instead of ruining their entire friendship with feelings, Dex leans in to kiss him. Nursey kisses him back like he’d been waiting. There’s no fire here, no hidden angry push. All of it’s gentle and familiar, like they’re kissing just because they can, because they want to. Nursey hums into it and Dex sighs. But he really is tired. _Really_ tired. Nursey must know this because he eventually pulls back, kisses faint like whispers against his lips.

“Will?” he whispers.

Dex can’t keep his eyes open. “Mm?”

“I think we...” he starts, but the rest fades away as Dex falls asleep.

* * *

They wake up to Chowder pounding on their door.

There’s no moment to enjoy being wrapped around one another, no chance for Dex to linger in whatever feelings arose last night.

“Did you set an alarm?” Dex rasps, struggling out of bed. He doesn’t have time to put boxers on under his sweats but they’re just going to the bus anyway.

“Usually you do,” Nursey offers, hurrying to get dressed himself.

“I fell asleep first!”

“I figured it might be one of those daily ones!”

Dex groans, rushing to the door to pull it open. Chowder looks smug. He tilts his head to the side, studying his friend. “Sleep well?” Chowder asks.

“How late are we?” Dex asks, hurrying back into the room so he can grab his bag. Chowder follows after him, eyeing Nursey wrestling himself into a long-sleeved shirt. “What time is it? I don’t even know.”

“Most people are on the bus,” he offers. “Bitty was going to come but--”

“Oh God,” Nursey groans. “If Bitty had come we’d be in pieces.”

“Hence me volunteering,” Chowder says. Bitty as captain is phenomenal but he does _not_ tolerate lateness. Chowder perches himself on the edge of the mattress as the two of them fumble to get all of their belongings gathered. “Bitty thinks I’m going to be reprimanding you, so try to look a little guilty.”

“I _am_ guilty,” Nursey warbles. “Disappointing Bitty is like, worse than disappointing your father.”

“Maybe _your_ father,” Dex mutters.

Nursey pauses mid bag-shove.

“Don’t start,” Chowder pleads. “Seriously.”

Dex holds his hands up in surrender, but it’s true. Nursey’s family is probably never disappointed him ever. He’s a good student, a good hockey player, a good guy.

Coming out as gay is probably going to get Dex disowned.

Chowder starts rambling on about how he got fruit for them for breakfast and Tango has some granola bars that they can eat on the road but they’re probably going to be hungry for a while. Dex only half listens.

Now all he’s thinking about is his parents finding out.

Nursey keeps trying to catch his eyes but Dex is somewhere else. His mom will probably be okay when he tells them. She won’t understand, exactly, but she’ll be okay. Find peace. The Pope’s cool with queers now or something anyway so she’ll have that to fall on when she’s getting all religious. But his dad? And Davey? They’re going to fucking flip, Dex can _feel_ it.

On the bus there are only singles left open and Nursey pouts but Dex claims a seat with Whiskey, knowing the other man will likely sleep most of the ride anyway. He avoids Bitty’s disapproving look and Ford’s exasperated comments about being on time and sits down quietly.

 **Nursey  
** hey you ok?

They’re ten minutes into the ride when he gets the text.

 **Dex  
** Yeah.

 **Nursey  
** you sure?

Dex had sex with Nursey last night.

Dex and Nursey literally had sex last night.

He keeps thinking about that and thinking about his parents and thinking about what a big fucking mess all of this is. He can’t have feelings for Nursey in the middle of it. And he can’t tell his parents, like, maybe ever? Because he loves them, despite it all, and knows he’ll do anything to keep them. So he’s never going to be happy, Dex decides, which will be fine because he’ll make it fine and maybe he’s spiraling but all he knows is he can’t fucking text Nursey back.

The only reason he jars himself out of it is because the bus stops for gas and he gets out to pace. The cool air is grounding and the absence of his chattering teammates is instantly enough to clear his mind.

He’ll be fine.

Dex is always fine. He’ll compartmentalize and bury his feelings deeper than before and it’ll be fine.

“Dex,” Bitty calls.

He won’t be fine.

Dex turns away from the call of his captain and tears burn his eyes. This is too much and this is too hard and this is not what Dex wanted, this is not what he wanted at _all_.

“I’m sorry,” he croaks once he knows Bitty’s close enough. “I just need a second, I--”

“We’re in no rush,” Bitty says, his hand coming up to Dex’s back. “I just saw you looking pale, we’re not waiting to go. You have time.”

Dex really doesn’t want to sit on the concrete of this dirty parking lot, but he wants to curl into himself more than anything. Instead he winds his arms around his body and squeezes as tight as he can.

“I can’t,” Dex gasps, shaking his head. “I don’t--”

“I know,” Bitty says gently, though there’s no possible way Bitty can know. “I wasn’t ready either.” Or maybe he does. Dex’s eyes snap open in a heartbeat and Bitty’s waiting smile is softer than Dex ever could’ve imagined. “One day you think you’re okay,” Bitty says, winding his arms around himself as well. “And then the next you’re not. It’s just waves of uncertainty for a while.”

"How'd you know?" Dex rasps. 

"You and Nursey were late," Bitty offers. It's not enough, really, but Dex still understands. 

That isn't what he lingers on. Instead, “What happens when my parents find out?” Dex asks, because he needs to know.

“Life will keep going on,” Bitty answers. “The sun’ll still come up and still set and days will pass and maybe they’re not okay with it, but you will be. Eventually.”

Dex can’t stop to think before asking, “Are you?”

Bitty shrugs. Neither a yes or a no. Maybe both. Maybe neither.

“I know I will be.” Finally he reaches out, his hand on Dex’s arm. “And I know you will be, too.”

“How?”

“We’ve got people, Dex.” The horn of the bus honks and Dex startles, but Bitty squeezes his arm lightly to calm him down. “Let’s head back. You can sit with me.”

Bitty pulls rank and switches some seats around so he and Dex can sit together. They don’t talk the rest of the ride, other than Bitty showing him a funny tweet every now and then, and it’s good.

Maybe he’s right.

* * *

Nursey snags Dex the second they’re off the bus to walk back to the Haus together.

He starts the conversation off by telling a story about his time sitting next to Tango and talks almost the entire time they’re walking. For some reason Chowder and Bitty and Ollie and Wicks aren’t with them, even though they’re all heading back to the Haus, and any moment of silence that lasts a little too long is filled with Nursey talking again.

“Nurse,” Dex finally says. He’s so tired. “Can we not talk about last night for now?”

Nursey shifts in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I just need a couple of days,” Dex tells him. He simply cannot do this right now. He needs to process. He needs to think.

Still, Nursey smiles, nodding his head like Dex’s lack of explanation actually makes sense. “That’s fine,” he says gently. “Whenever you’re good, man.”

“Thanks.”

Nursey talks the rest of the way anyway but it’s less erratic than before, and for a moment Dex things will actually be okay.

* * *

The text comes on Monday afternoon.

 **Mom  
** Hi Will are you busy?

 **Will**  
Just walking back from class  
Everything okay?

 **Mom**  
Yes….  
Just a question…..  
What is this?  
_Link:_ The Swallow: Gay For Play? 

He dials his mother’s number right away. She answers on the first ring.

“Hi honey,” she greets, sounding weary, and Dex’s throat immediately closes up. “Your father was doing a lot of reading on the Zimmermann boy,” she says slowly, “and we were sent that article, and…” she trails off. “We were surprised to see your name, is all. And we’re wondering what’s going on?”

Dex forces himself to swallow. “Has dad read it?” he chokes out. “The article?”

“Yes.”

Dex flinches, turning to a nearby wall and leaning against it so he can steady his breathing. He leans on to the bricks with his arm above his head, nearly pressing his forehead to the building. His parents know. His parents _know_.

“Davey?” he whispers, wondering about his brother.

“He’s… the one who sent it to us,” she answers.

But of course Davey hasn’t said anything to Dex, and neither has his father, and now his mom is here on the phone and Dex is not ready for this, he is not prepared to do this. Even just talking to Bitty this weekend he’d been expecting the parent thing sometime _later_ , not _now_. Dex squeezes his eyes shut. Students file past him with problems of their own, rushing to class or to lunch or who fucking cares because at least their entire world is not crumbling in their hands.

He doesn’t know what to say. Dex takes a deep breath.

“It’s true, I’m gay,” he says, which sounds garbled and awful and still his mother inhales sharply, having understood him. “I didn’t want this to happen this way. I wanted to tell you myself.”

“Billy,” she sighs.

“I’ve known for so long,” he carries on, unable to stop talking now that he’s started. “Since I was a kid. And I--” his eyes are burning, “--I _tried_ , Mom. I tried to not be like this, but--”

“Oh, Sweetheart.”

“--I am,” he says. “I’m gay. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

She’s quiet for a moment. Dex’s heart is pounding in his chest but she hasn’t hung up yet, and that’s hopeful. He clings to it.

“How long have you know?” she finally asks. “You said since you were a kid.”

“Elementary school?” he manages.

“And have you…” she trails off, maybe choosing her words more carefully than Gretchen Poindexter is typically known for. “Have you ever been with a woman?”

He doesn’t know if she means sexually or what but the answer’s the same.

“No.”

“It’s just-- _Will_ ,” his mother sighs, and Dex feels it in his gut. “I know some lovely women who might still--”

“Mom,” he cuts her off. Dex doesn’t want to do this like this. He’d rather be there, see her face. He’d rather have talked with his parents about Jack first, about queer athletes, about sexual identity as a whole as opposed to just focusing on him first. He should’ve gone to the QSU more with Nursey or spent time in the kitchen with Bitty or something, anything that could give him the capability to have this conversation. “I’m… sorry.”

“No, no,” she rushes, teetering somewhere between frustrated and attempting-to-be-calm. “It’s just--I want you to really explore your options before you say you’re sure about this.”

His eyes are wet. “I’m sure about this,” Dex murmurs.

His mother sighs again. “If you haven’t been in a committed relationship with a woman then how--”

“I have a boyfriend,” Dex stops her. He drags his hand through his hair, tugging on the ends. No he doesn’t. No he does not have a boyfriend. He has a fake boyfriend. He has a friend who is doing him a favor. Not a _boyfriend_. Nursey isn’t really his boyfriend. But his mother doesn’t need to know that. And having a real boyfriend or not doesn’t make Dex any less sure that he’s gay. “Okay? And I know that this is hard for you mom, it’s hard for me too, but--”

“You have a boyfriend?” she asks. “Who is he?”

Dex squeezes his eyes shut. “He’s on the team,” he whispers. “It’s--”

“Derek?” she asks.

Dex feels something lodge in his throat. “Nursey. Yeah.”

Gretchen’s quiet for a long time. “Bring him here,” she says. “I want to meet him in the proper context.”

“Mom…” They’re both silent for a moment. What is Dex supposed to say? “I didn’t want you to find out this way,” he says again. If anything, Dex needs her to understand that. His family is so fucking important to him and this secret, while it _was_ a secret, didn’t need to be passed on like this. “I had--a plan.”

“I know, Will.”

His eyes are still stinging with unshed tears. “And I never planned this,” he carries on. “It’s not like I wanted this.”

“Will, honey--”

“I just don’t want to lose you.”

“ _Never_ ,” she promises, and it’s not quite acceptance yet but it’s _something_. Dex nearly bursts. “Never, honey! I’m just… trying to understand.”

“And dad?” he chokes. “Davey?”

“Your father… might never understand,” she says quietly. “Davey either. But they will always love you.”

Dex swallows his sob. “I love you,” he whimpers. He turns, shielding himself from the outside world and pressing himself closer to the wall and lowering his voice. “So much. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, honey,” she whispers. “I love you so much too. When can you come home?”

They make tentative plans for the weekend, seeing as Dex doesn’t have a game to play, but he has to check with Nursey.

Because he told his mom that Nursey is his boyfriend.

Who will tell his dad and his brother that Nursey is his boyfriend.

Fuck.

* * *

After composing himself and swatting away his tears of frustration, Dex sprints back to the Haus. He avoids eye-contact with everyone, ignores Bitty’s shout of greeting, and takes the stairs two at a time to get to his room.

Nursey’s stretched out on his bed with a book in his hand and his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. It’s a paperback, probably for one of his multitude of English classes, and he looks annoyed that he has to be reading it.

Dex shuts the door behind him.

“I did something stupid,” Dex announces. Nursey doesn’t even look up from his book. “Don’t you want to know what it is?”

“I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“I told my mom that we’re together.”

“Dex,” he exhales, and Dex’s stomach twists. He prepares himself for a berating. How stupid could he be to drag this into their personal lives? But instead, Nursey’s face is flooded with concern as he lowers his paperback to look up. “Was it your choice to tell them? Or how’d they find out? Did they take it okay? I know you’ve been worried about it.”

Oh. Nursey’s just. Concerned.

Dex gestures vaguely. “She did the whole _how do you know if you haven’t been with a woman_ thing, and then I said I was seeing someone and--so I told them you and I--and now they--”

“Take a breath, Dex,” Nursey says. Dex inhales. Exhales. “Try again.”

“They found the article.” Nursey sucks his teeth. “It wasn’t as bad as I thought it could be.” She did say that she was just trying to understand. That she still loves him. “And she wants to meet you. As my boyfriend.”

Nursey shrugs, but suddenly he’s smiling. It’s a small thing but Dex can’t miss a Nursey smile, no matter how tiny. “Yeah, okay. When?”

“When?” Dex echoes. Like it’s simple. Like it’s _chill_. “That--” something like anger boils up inside him, no matter how hard he tries to tamp it down. “How are you so fucking-- _you_ all the time?” he spits, treating the word like it’s toxic. Nursey’s eyebrows pop up his forehead in surprise. “ _When_ ,” he says again, shaking his head and turning away. “I hate you. I really fucking hate you.”

Nursey’s face floods with frustration, his smile gone. “Fucking forgive me for trying to support you,” he snaps. “Jesus, Dex. Every fucking time I think we’re getting somewhere!” He throws his book aside and pushes himself to stand, making himself taller. “You’re in a shitty situation. Do you not want my help?”

“I don’t need it!”

“Then why did you tell them you had a fucking boyfriend?” Dex turns away in a huff, reaching up to scrub at his face. This is stupid. This is fucking stupid. “Listen,” Nursey says, sounding exhausted. Dex is still facing away from him. “Do you want me to meet them or not?”

“I don’t know,” Dex answers.

“Okay. Let me know when you decide.” He reaches down, grabbing his book from his bed and his phone from his side table. “I’ll give you the room,” he mutters.

He doesn’t look at Nursey as Nursey grabs his stuff and leaves, and neither of them say anything else. 

He settles down on the edge of the bunk and drags his hands through his hair, tugging hard to keep himself grounded. He doesn’t know if he’s sad or angry or heartbroken or terrified but all of those feelings swirl inside of him, making him feel manic. Should he laugh? Break down in tears? Apologize to Nursey for being a dick for no fucking reason? 

His phone buzzes in his pocket.

 **Davey  
** Sup lil brother

Perfect fucking timing, really.

 **Will  
** Just ask.

 **Davey**  
I don’t need to ask. Mom confirmed  
I was going to call but figured I’d spare you lmao

 **Will  
** Thanks.

As he waits for his brother to text back, there’s a soft knock on the door, and Chowder ducks his head in looking worried. “Nursey sent me,” he says. “Can I come in?” Dex gestures to his bed and Chowder hurries inside, shutting the door behind him and propelling himself onto the mattress. “Wanna talk about it?” he asks.

Dex sniffs. “I’m tired of feeling like a fucking screw-up,” he says, his voice rough. “It feels like all of this is my _fault_.”

“No,” Chowder rushes. “Dex, it’s not!”

“But that’s what it feels like.” He knows he sounds vulnerable and it makes him shake. “If I wasn’t gay then--my parents wouldn’t care who I bring home. And Nursey wouldn’t--” Dex stops, shaking his head. He sets his phone aside and reaches up to wipe below his eyes. “I just really wasn’t ready to do this.”

“I know,” Chowder says gently. “Maybe you can sue The Swallow for defamation. Or slander, or whatever.”

“Because they posted a quote that I actually said on their stupid gossip blog?”

Chowder offers him a sad smile. “I know you weren’t ready,” he says. “I mean I’m not--I mean I might be,” Chowder amends. “Who knows. Never mind. This isn’t about me. But to have a secret like that just--ripped out of you,” Chowder sighs. “I can feel it, too. We all can. And we’re here for you.”

Dex doesn’t know why friendship like this makes him so uncomfortable.

“I love you guys,” Dex says softly, and Chowder grins.

“We love you too,” he answers.

Dex’s phone buzzes and he sighs, reaching for it.

 **Davey**  
Mom says your dating Derek nurse?  
How the hell did you snag that one Billy  
I mean really

Dex is surprised at the laugh that jumps out of him as he reads his brother’s messages. “Davey seems to maybe be taking it okay,” he murmurs, passing his phone to Chowder to see. Chowder, bless his soul, lights up with another smile so bright that it immediately brings a peace to Dex’s entire mood. “Don’t tell Nursey he said that,” Dex adds. “It’ll go right to his head.”

Chowder tips his head back in a laugh, typing a response for Dex to his brother. “So they think you and Nursey are really dating?” he asks.

With that question, the floodgates open, and Dex can’t stop talking.

He tells Chowder about his conversation with his mom, about why he said that he had a boyfriend, about the fact that even though the general response from his family seems okay how fucking _terrified_ he still is. Chowder just listens, nodding along, commenting when he sees fit.

“You didn’t need to yell at him, you know,” Chowder says, meaning Nursey, and Dex collapses backwards on the bed. “You put him in a... hard spot.”

“He doesn’t need to come.”

“He will and you know it,” Chowder says. Dex drops backwards on Nursey's bed and throws his arm over his face. He doesn’t know why this is so hard. “Dex,” Chowder says quietly. “Nursey’s… in this. He has been from the beginning. And as hard as this is for you, he’s got to feel like he’s carrying some of your weight.”

Slowly, Dex moves his arm from his face. “What do you mean?”

“He’s a prop you used to make coming out easier,” Chowder says slowly. “Which--I mean, he agreed to. And offered to do. But coming out, Dex, how people respond to it? He’s going to feel responsible for whatever happens--if you’re okay or not.” Dex hadn’t even thought of that. “And again, I know he offered, but just--I think maybe you sometimes forget he’s also _involved_ in this.”

“I know that,” Dex says.

Chowder laughs a little but it’s not funny. “Okay.”

“I _know_ that!” Dex insists.

“Okay, Dex. Did you guys talk about this weekend yet?” Dex startles. He hadn’t told Chowder about the roadie. Which can only mean that Nursey had. He’s so caught off-guard and struggling to understand how or why that’s relevant to this when Chowder sighs, shaking his head a little. “Never mind. Just be gentle, okay?”

“Me?” Dex pushes. This is starting to feel like an attack but Dex can’t understand why. “What’s going on? What do you mean? I’m just--” he stumbles, “scared! I--”

Chowder sighs again before turning and laying down beside Dex. “I know,” he stops him. “I’m sorry, I know.” Chowder brings up his arm and drapes it over Dex’s body before nuzzling close. It’s not often that they’re like this but it settles something in Dex almost immediately. He doesn’t have a lot of people in his life like Chowder. “Nursey’ll go with you if you want him to,” Chowder finally says.

“I do.”

“So tell him that.” They’re quiet for a moment, Dex still trying to understand what it was that they just talked about, when Chowder says, “You’ve got another text.”

 **Davey**  
Youre bringing him home this weekend?  
I’ll be around and bring Angie since youve never met her either

Dex types out his response before dropping his phone on his side table and turning back to Chowder.

“Did I screw this up?” Dex asks.

“Not yet,” Chowder answers, but Dex isn’t entirely sure that they’re talking about the same thing.

* * *

When Nursey gets back to their room a few hours later, Dex has hardly moved other than to climb into his own bunk. His stomach hurts but he’s pretty sure if he eats anything he’s going to be sick.

Nursey leans backwards against the door and waits.

“Will you come?” Dex asks quietly.

“Yeah,” Nursey answers. He pushes himself away from the door and settles down in his bed to go to sleep.

They hardly talk the rest of the week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew aren't feelings hard sometimes or what


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone else use fictional characters to work through their own shit? no? just me? 
> 
> also why are they eating dinner this early? who knows, but i had dinner at 2pm this past weekend because my grandparents were in town so just roll with it
> 
> edit: ugh, the dreaded google docs & italics copy/paste curse strikes again !

Friday morning after Dex’s early class, the two of them climb into his shitty old truck to start their ride to Maine. It’s not the best mileage but it is pretty reliable and it got him through his senior year of high school.

“I love this truck,” Nursey says as the climb in, which sounds fake, so Dex rolls his eyes. “No, man, I’m serious. It’s like from all those teen novels in small towns where you drive out somewhere to sit and watch the stars from the back.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Nursey.”

Nursey laughs and Dex feels settled in a heartbeat. He’s missed Nursey’s laugh. He’s his best friend, barely talking has been hard and weird. No matter what anyone else thinks, Dex isn’t cut out to hold grudges like this. Especially not against Nursey.

“I've never had a car. Just the subway. It’s not the same.”

“You can romanticize any form of public transit, I’m sure.”

Nursey hums like of course he can. “Gotta find my fucking MetroCard first,” he mutters, clicking himself into his seat.

After that, it goes quiet.

They’re 20 minutes into the drive when Dex clears his throat. Nursey doesn’t even startle. But he has to do before he loses the nerve and having the vulnerability of being forced to look at the road once they’re on the highway makes it easier.

“I really appreciate you coming,” Dex says. Nursey doesn’t respond, but he does bob a little which might be an acknowledgement. “I shouldn’t have freaked at you like that. When I first told you about my parents.”

“Mm.”

“It’s just everything always seems so easy for you,” Dex grits out. He grips the steering wheel a bit tighter. “And it’s not. I know it’s not. I mean I don’t _know,_  but I get it more than I did. So I know it’s not _easy_ for you. It’s--” he manages a laugh. “It’s life. You know? But then my whole fucking world gets flipped in a matter of days and you just--you’re still you.”

Nursey’s turned to look at him at some point, watching Dex rant and ramble without making comment. Dex can feel his eyes.

“I’m still me,” Nursey finally says.

“You present yourself so effortlessly,” Dex mutters, almost angry. It’s unfair how composed Nursey can be while simultaneously being such a wreck. “I’m always thinking about how to be. Everything-- _everything_ I do I have to think about. And I--” Dex swallows. “This thing with my parents--it was a big deal to me. And you just rolled with it like nothing.”

Nursey moves in his seat, shifting his full attention in Dex’s direction, and Dex still can’t look up from the road.

“I knew it was a big deal,” Nursey says. “Obviously I knew that. It’s why I said yes.”

“But you were so fucking nonchalant about it.”

“Would you rather me have freaked?” Nursey asks, arching an eyebrow. “Sometimes I don’t get you, Dex. It’s like--” he huffs, looking forward to the road like he's using his chill to cover up how frustrated he really is. “It’s like you don’t know how to let yourself breathe every once in a while.”

Dex readjusts his grip on the steering wheel, risking a glance at Nursey, but Nursey’s looking back at him already. Their eyes meet for just a moment. Dex jerks his attention back to the road, his ears burning.

“I don’t have a fall back,” he grits out. “I can’t fuck up and figure my life out later, I only get this one shot.”

“That’s why you can’t take it that serious all the time,” Nursey carries on, still gentle. Dex just isn’t sure he agrees. He re-focuses his attention on the road and takes a few deep breaths, but something sits agitated between them. “Dex,” Nursey says.

“What?”

Nursey sighs. “Nothing.” It’s quiet again before he says, “It’ll be okay.”

“I hope so.”

They settle on a podcast to listen to because it’s clear neither of them really want to talk, and before he knows it, Dex is home.

He pulls into one of the open spots out front and kills the engine.

Neither of them move.

He wonders what Nursey’s thinking. Dex doesn’t know what Nursey’s house looks like, but it’s probably a little bigger than this shitty townhouse with a crumbling sidewalk and some dying plants in the front yard. Dex loosens his grip on the wheel and lets out a short breath. It may be small and mostly broken but this was his home.

“This one?” Nursey asks, gesturing to the house in the middle that Dex has just been staring at. Dex nods, waiting for him to say something awful. But he doesn’t. He just unbuckles and offers Dex a small smile. “Chill. We don’t want to keep them waiting,” he says.

“Nursey.” Dex’s hand flies out, gripping Nursey’s wrist before he can open the door.

Nursey waits, still smiling. “Kiss for luck?” he wonders, leaning in and smooching up his lips like he really expects Dex to kiss him. When Dex rolls his eyes, Nursey laughs, reaching for the door again. “It’s a joke, Dexy.”

Something in his stomach settles. This will be okay. He can feel it. Still he says, “Please don’t call me Dexy.”

“ _William_ ,” he hums as he hops out of the car.

“Nurse.”

Nursey grabs his bag with a soft smile. “Will,” he says gently. “I’ve got your back. Promise.”

He grabs his own bag before joining Nursey at the front of the car where he’s been waiting. He's been thinking about his talk with Chowder and Dex needs Nursey to know this before they go inside. “I trust you, Derek,” he says firmly. “I always have. But especially with this.”

Nursey goes still. “Dex--”

“No matter how it goes I’m just happy that it’s you here with me. Honest.” Nursey drops his head, the beginnings of a smile pushing through his shock. It's not enough, and it's less than what he wants to say, but he hopes that Nursey gets the message anyway. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” He nods again. “Thanks.”

“No, thank you,” Dex insists. “For all of it.” He turns toward the house before they can linger in this space. “Let’s go in.”

Nursey follows after him quietly and says nothing as Dex lingers before knocking. It’s his house. It’s still his home. He shouldn’t feel like a stranger all of a sudden. So instead he does the courtesy knock before pushing open on his own.

“Mom?” he calls inside. “Dad? I’m home!”

They shuffle into the living room, Dex hyper-aware of Nursey’s presence in this space, and wait for someone to appear. Soon enough his mom rounds the corner from the kitchen, a familiar smile on her face.

“Hi Honey!” She quickly crosses the room to him with her arms wide open. “Oh, I’m so happy you’re here!” Dex stoops down to hug his mom and exhales deeply, fighting back the tears that are pushing at his eyes. This can’t be their last hug. It won’t be. Still, he squeezes her tighter. “How was your drive up?”

“Traffic was fine,” he murmurs when he pulls back, trying to hide the shake in his voice. “We uh,” Dex glances over his shoulder at Nursey. “We got out at a good time.”

“That’s good, that’s good.” She looks back at Nursey, her smile straining just a little. “And hello Derek,” she says, almost warm but not quite.

They’ve met once or twice only briefly during family weekends, but they’ve never gotten to know each other. And with all of this it must feel strange.

“Hi,” Nursey says, actually sounding warm. He reaches out to shake her hand. “It’s nice to see you again, Mrs. P.”

“Oh, please, call me Gretchen.”

“Thanks for having us come up,” Nursey carries on.

“Of course.” She looks back to Dex. “Your father’s in the den watching some sports game,” Gretchen tells him. “We weren’t too sure when you’d get in. We can leave for dinner soon if you’re hungry. Bit early but then gives us the evening in.”

“That’d be great,” Dex says. “We’ll go drop our stuff off.” He starts edging toward the hallway that leads to the stairs.

“I changed your sheets,” she says as he walks. “And I’ve pulled out some blankets so  Derek can sleep on the couch,” Gretchen says.

Dex feels his face go white.

“Sounds good,” Nursey says.

“No it doesn’t,” Dex grits out.

“Will,” Nursey soothes. “It’s okay.” But it’s not okay, it’s _not_ , and breathing is getting harder and harder to do. It’d been going well, easy enough to ignore, but of course they can’t. “That’s fine,” Nursey insists, turning back to Dex’s mom. “I’ll keep my stuff in Will’s room though, if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” Gretchen agrees. “Willy, you can show him the way.”

Dex doesn’t move until he feels Nursey’s hand come up to lightly rest on his back, and then he almost runs. He takes the stairs much too quickly and still Nursey is right behind him, following him through the tiny house to the room at the end of the upstairs hall. When they get in Nursey closes the door behind them.

Dex’s room is small. Still, he has a queen sized bed that they could both fit on. It’s old and lumpy but it wouldn’t be awkward, and without Nursey in the same room as him he’s worried he’ll start to panic. Nursey drops his bag on the ground and moves toward him, taking Dex’s bag from him.

“It’ll be fine,” Nursey whispers.

“I’ll sleep on the couch too. Or--no, you sleep up here and I’ll--”

Nursey tugs Dex toward him and wraps his arms around him tightly. “It’ll be fine,” Nursey says again, even softer. Dex breathes him in. It’ll be fine. This will be fine. “I’ll take the couch,” he says. “I didn’t really expect anything else.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Nursey pulls back and rests his hands on Dex’s shoulders. “I’m like, really prepared for this,” he says. “We’ve known each other for how many years?” Nursey offers a little smile. “I knew what I was getting into. Don’t be sorry for them.”

Dex shakes his head. “When did you get so calming?” 

“My Mom Friend Mode initiates whenever my people don’t know how to do the thing,” Nursey offers. He squeezes one of Dex’s shoulders. “I also like to think I’m very smart. I’ve taken a lot of psychology classes.”

“Oh, for the love of God.”

Nursey laughs. “Tell me I’m smart.”

Dex shrugs off his jacket while rolling his eyes before setting it down on his bed. “You do make Dean’s List every semester,” he offers.

“Aw, you’re smart too.” Dex finally exhales a laugh of his own. “Do you think your parents are homophobic but not racist? Or racist but not homophobic? Trying to figure out how meeting your dad will be next.”

“Maybe a little of both,” Dex says, reaching out to shove Nursey with a laugh. “You said you knew what you were getting into.”

“Just don’t get all Get Out on me.”

“I know you’re trying to lighten the mood,” Dex says, still smiling, as he reaches for his door. “But dude. No way am I going to get all Get Out on you.” He hurries down the hall and Nursey chases after him.

“Give me the goddamn keys, Dex!”

Dex laughs as they race down the stairs. The laughter fades when they hit the living room where Dex’s father is waiting with his arms crossed over his chest.

Dex tried calling his dad twice before coming home. He didn’t answer either time.

“Hi dad,” Dex exhales, pausing in his step. Nursey nearly bumps into him.

“Hey Will,” he responds. His arms ease from over his chest but there’s something hard on his face that stays. “This must be--”

“This is Derek, yeah,” Dex says, turning to bring Nursey to the front.

“We’ve met,” his father says shortly.

“Hi,” Nursey says. He extends his hand and slowly, Dex’s father reaches up to accept it. “Thanks for having us up,” he carries on, easing into his professional voice. “The drive was beautiful.”

“We ready to go?” Gretchen calls, appearing from the kitchen with a bright smile. Nursey steps back to Dex’s side and mirrors it, but Dex is still looking at his dad who’s still looking at Nursey. His expression is tight and guarded, eyebrows furrowed and eyes dark. He doesn’t look angry, really, or maybe that’s just what Dex is telling himself. “I know it’s still early but by the time we _sit_ and _order_ , and--”

“Yeah, mom, it’s fine,” Dex rushes. “Do we want to wait for Davey?”

“He texted that he hit traffic,” Dex’s dad says. “We should just go now.”

* * *

They climb into the back of the family van in awkward silence.

It’s an old van, the radio’s never worked well, so it’s not like they can even put something good on.

“So Will tells me you’re a teacher, Mrs. P?” Nursey asks about a minute into it. Dex makes an apologetic face at him for not carrying enough of the conversation, but Nursey shakes his head. “Middle school, right?”

“Yes,” Gretchen says. “I teach English to the seventh grade.” It'd be a great chance for Nursey to talk about how much of an English star he is but Gretchen looks over to Dex’s dad in the driver’s seat and adds, “Jeff here’s a truck driver.”

“He delivers bread to nearby grocery stores,” Dex explains quietly.

“Oh--rad,” Nursey beams. “Bread man.”

“We’ve started shelving cakes too,” Jeff adds.

“Sweet,” Nursey says. “Do you like--drive cross country ever? Or?”

“No, it’s just local,” he answers. Nursey nods along like he’s looking for a way to carry on the conversation. “Don’t know how Will got into all those computer things,” Jeff murmurs.

“Because I’m good at it,” Dex mutters.

“You’re good at a lot of things,” Jeff grumbles. “Could be a fine construction worker. Or--head out to the boat and work with Uncle Rick. Huh?” Dex looks down at his hands. “Computers.” Jeff huffs. “Does Rick even know about all of this?” he asks.

“Dad,” Dex pleads.

“God--what’s he gonna say when he finds out?”

“Jeff,” Gretchen stops him. “Rick _loves_ Will, don’t do this.”

He hadn’t even thought of his Uncle Rick. Dex has a lot of family. Like, a lot. A whole bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles all over the place. He knows they’re not all going to be okay with him being gay. But Rick should be. He’s his dad’s brother, but Dex’s mom is right. Probably.

“Is that the lobster boat uncle?” Nursey asks, turning to Dex. It’s hard to think about this right now but still he nods. “Nice,” Nursey says with a smile. “He sounds like a cool guy.”

“He is,” Dex whispers back.

“Um, so,” Gretchen clears her throat. “How’s the season going for you two?”

It’s easy to talk about hockey. His parents never really understood the sport all that much but they were always there for his games and became actual fans of it by the end. They’re less into now that Dex is farther from home but they do still care.

So they talk about hockey, Nursey complimenting Dex in a million ways, and by the end of the time they arrive at the restaurant his father’s back in the conversation like normal.

Dinner isn’t really all that bad. It’s tense, sure, but Nursey’s very good at getting people to like him. He’s charming in all the ways Dex isn’t, open and kind, and by the time they’ve got their drinks Dex’s mom is laughing at all of Nursey’s stories. At some point Dex’s dad must forget that Nursey is supposed to be Dex’s boyfriend, not just a friend, because he engages in the conversation enough for it to be friendly.

But in the end they know why they’re here.

Jeff digs into his steak and asks, “So how did this happen?”

Nursey looks to Dex as though asking for permission. “Uh, well, we actually didn’t get along at first,” Nursey says when Dex nods, encouraging him on. “But we’re partners on the ice so we had to learn how to make it work.”

“And was this before or after you were roommates?” Gretchen asks.

“It’s new,” Dex says. "So after."

“And so you,” Jeff turns to Nursey, waving his knife a little in a way that might not meant to be threatening but makes Dex tense at once. “What did you do?”

Nursey shifts back in his seat, his lips parting. “Sir--”

“No,” Dex cuts him off, leaning forward into Nursey’s space. They can’t do this. They can’t take Nursey and act like he’s something to blame. “He didn’t do anything, Dad. I was gay before I met Nursey and gay before we lived together and gay long before I ever left Maine so _please_ don’t do this.”

Both of his parents look at him but neither of them say a word.

He’s said it to them both, now.

Dex feels his heart start pounding and he knows the color is draining from his face and then--there’s a hand in his, big and warm and strong, lacing their fingers together. Nursey brushes his thumb over Dex’s in soft, slow patterns and tugs, pulling him an inch or so closer.

“I think I can speak for both of us when I say it’s not what either of us expected,” Nursey admits quietly. “But your son is very special to me.”

There’s silence again before Jeff mutters, “ _Nursey_.”

“It’s hockey,” Dex returns.

Jeff nods slowly before going back down to his food. “That isn’t what I meant,” he says after a beat. Every word is measured. “But I’m glad to hear that Will is special to you.”

Dex turns to look at Nursey. What a bummer of a way to spend a weekend. He’ll have to really make it up to him somehow, dragging him out here to help him deal with all of his shit. Still, Nursey smiles like it might be easy, albeit not as easy as before.

“He’s my best friend,” Dex says, still looking at Nursey, and when their eyes meet Nursey’s real smile returns. It takes up his whole face, makes him shine in ways that cause Dex to burn. “We’re not here to fight,” Dex says, looking back to his dad.

Jeff huffs. “So don’t be so defensive, Billy.” Dex swallows every stone of anger that manifests in response to this. Nursey squeezes his hand a little tighter. “This is hard for us too,” Jeff says, gesturing to Gretchen. “Will, you used to go on dates with girls. You took girls to dances. You play hockey, for Christ’s sake. It just feels very out of left field.”

“I know,” he murmurs. “This wasn’t how I wanted it all to happen either.” He hears Nursey sigh beside him but can’t dare to look at him. He doesn't want to do this at the restaurant, especially because it's early so it's emptier, meaning their words are louder. “Can we just--get through dinner?”

They do, but it’s not as easy as Dex wants it to be. It’s mostly hockey chat with a little talk about Nursey’s family and what he’s studying. When he says he’s an English major, Dex’s dad literally pinches the bridge of his nose but Gretchen lights up and leans into it. When they finally get home Nursey and his mom head inside, but Dex’s father pulls him onto the tiny front porch and stops before they enter the door.

Dex folds his arms around himself at once. “I’m sorry,” Dex says. He feels like he’s a child again, always desperate for his dad’s approval. Davey was older, more talented in many ways, the perfect son to his father. Dex tried but it was never the same. He feels it now, in his ribs. “This is who I am.”

Jeff sighs. “And you’re sure about it?” he asks. Dex nods and his father sighs again. “And this guy--Derek.” Dex looks up, meeting his eyes again. “You’re sure about him?”

Boyfriend or not, Dex knows who Nursey is. He’s faithful and kind and full of love. He makes Dex a better man and makes Dex want to _be_ a better man.

“I’m sure,“ Dex says.

“I just--I don’t know, Will. I gotta be honest. I don’t know.” Dex nods but it aches, hard in his stomach, weight in his arms.

“So then what?” he whispers. This is it. He just needed more _time_ , he needed to do it on his own terms, and it would’ve been different. He knows it could’ve been different. “Do you want me out?”

Jeff shakes his head slowly but he looks painfully tired, like he knows the years of stress that Dex has been holding deep inside of him for his entire life and can feel it too. “Your brother’ll wanna see you,” he says.

It’s not enough but Dex has to take it. His father ushers him inside and Dex hurries up the steps, fighting back tears while scanning for Nursey. His mom is waiting in the kitchen and says he went upstairs so Dex sprints. Nursey’s perched on the edge of his bed but stands the second Dex is in the room. He closes the door behind him and all of this space feels small, too small, and he can’t do this, he doesn’t want to this anymore.

“Hey,” Nursey whispers. He cups Dex’s face between his hands and redirects his gaze. “Will, what happened?”

“I don’t know,” he exhales. That’s what his dad had said, again and again. It could be anything. He’s starting to feel dizzy and he shakes his head out of Nursey’s grasp. “He doesn’t want me here,” Dex says. “I know it. But won’t say anything because of my mom.”

“That’s somewhere to start,” Nursey urges, quiet. “Breathe, Dex, hey.” He reaches out and snags Dex’s hand before tugging him close. “Breathe,” he says again, winding himself around him.

It really is easier like this. He’s dealt with anxiety his whole life but it’s never been like this. He feels like he could puke at any second.

“You’re incredible,” Dex exhales. “I don’t tell you nearly enough,” he carries on, breathless.

Nursey laughs softly. “Don’t. Just--you still have time, Dex. Whatever happens isn’t happening in a moment, or in a day. You’ll know either way. Have time to prepare.”

“Are you sure?” he asks. He doesn’t quite agree. He sees it in a flash of red. A fight, a twist of blue and red, Dex back on the road before bed. Shouting and bridges that have burned beyond repair.

But Nursey says, “I’m sure,” and Dex trusts him. He pulls back and Nursey lets him step away, smiling gently. “Dinner was… okay?” he offers. “Was I alright?”

Dex startles a little. “Of course,” he answers. “You’re incredible,” he says again. “I have no idea how I would do this without you. I just…” his eyes start to burn. “I wish I had more time,” he croaks.

Nursey pulls him back in and they settle together. “I know. I wish you did, too, but you don’t. And you’re handling it with hella grace.” Dex surprises himself with a laugh. “This is hard shit.”

“So fucking hard.”

“You think one day you get old enough that none of it matters but that’s not true and it’s a _lot_ , dude.” Dex nods, letting Nursey carry on. “And you’re doing the thing. I’m really proud of you.”

Dex waits a beat before pulling back, needing to look into Nursey’s eyes again. They’re soft and welcoming and infuriatingly green and Dex’s face feels like it’s going to melt off because of how red it is.

He needs him to know. “You’re too good to me, Nursey.”

Nursey pulls back a step farther to put more distance between them, something on his face going blank. He’s quiet for a moment, dust settling in-between them. “I never should’ve kissed you,” he finally responds.

“What?”

“At the party,” Nursey carries on, turning away from him. “Dex, I know now isn’t the time but--after this weekend maybe we should end this thing.”

Dex blinks a few times, confused. He thought they were having a moment. “What’s going on?” he asks, not understanding.

“You don’t have to tell your parents. I mean, it’s up to you. But you said when I wanted out--”

“Nursey,” Dex cuts him off, shaking his head.

Nursey exhales deeply, shaking his head. “Sometimes I think--” Nursey stops himself with a laugh before turning to look back at Dex. “Sometimes I forget it’s fake,” he says. “This thing between us. Like, all the time, actually. Sometimes I look at you,” Nursey carries on, “and it feels real. And I _want it_ to be real. And then I remember it’s not.”

What’s happening?

“Derek--”

“After the roadie,” Nursey continues, “I thought that was it. I thought you and I--I mean you said you needed a few days. And then when you said you told your mom we were together I thought that meant--I mean I _wanted_ …” Nursey holds his hands out in defeat. “It’s my fault, I know,” he says, voice growing softer. “I knew what this was for you, I’m sorry.”

“What this was for me?” he reacts.

“You told me I made you feel safe,” Nursey answers, “and you needed that and that’s okay. It is, it’s okay.”

“Wait a second,” Dex stops him. He grabs Nursey’s wrist and pulls him back toward him, trying to ignore the way his heart is pounding in his chest. He almost feels a little nauseous with anticipation. “Are you saying--?”

“I won’t fuck up this weekend for you,” he rushes. “I know how important it is, really. And this timing is shit. But--”

“ _Derek_.”

Dex feels like he’s teetering on the edge of a cliff that he has no idea how high. But Nursey’s there, strong and tall, and the way he carries himself makes Dex want to carry himself like it too.

“I just wish this was real,” Nursey whispers. “I think we’d be good together. And I want that, to be with you.”  

Dex can’t not kiss him.

It’s the worst kiss they’ve shared by far, Dex throwing himself at Nursey like this, but if his mouth isn’t on Nursey’s at once he’s going to combust. Nursey kind of gasps into it, fumbling only for a second before he’s kissing Dex back. His hands lift to frame Dex’s face, gentle but sure, and the kiss is better after that. More familiar. More steady.

“So let’s do it,” Dex gasps, trying to figure out how to be everything he wants to be faster than he’s ever been prepared for. He wants to be strong and brave and sure _immediately._  He wants to do it with Nursey. “Let’s make this real. This can be real.”

Nursey’s eyes are wide and dark. “Seriously?”

“I thought you were just trying to be a good fake boyfriend,” Dex rushes.

“We literally had sex,” Nursey says with a laugh. “Are you joking?”

“It was all very confusing,” Dex insists breathlessly. “Gay panic. Still new to it?” Nursey’s laughing into the next kiss but it’s so warm and sweet and _perfect_ Dex can’t even mind. He carefully cups Dex’s cheeks in his hands to steady them. “I’m an idiot,” Dex exhales between them. “I’m sorry.”

Nursey’s smile is still making it hard to kiss. “Forgiven,” he murmurs.

Dex can have this.

He can kiss Nursey like it means something. He can let the wall in his chest crumble and wind his arms around Nursey to draw him closer. He can slip his tongue into Nursey’s mouth to taste him.

Maybe if they’re quiet, Dex thinks, then his parents will forget that they’re here. They can stay hidden and tucked away in Dex’s childhood bedroom unbothered. They can hold each other and settle in on the bed and do this for hours, finally for real. They'll have to talk about it, Dex knows. Use more words to explain these feelings. Kissing isn't an answer that either of them deserve. But Nursey doesn't seem in any rush to stop and Dex is more than happy to wait. 

The door bursts open without any warning.

“Oh, fuck--” Davey slams the door shut before Dex can even untangle himself enough to turn around and see his brother in the doorway. His voice is muffled from the other side. “Sorry Will.”

Dex exhales deeply, a new wave of nausea bubbling through him and ripping him from the moment. Nursey gathers him in his arms and pulls him close before pressing a kiss to Dex’s forehead.

“Davey’s home,” Dex murmurs, wiping at his mouth.

Nursey’s hands wind up his back and bring him closer. “How do you feel?” he asks. Nursey slips his hands under Dex’s shirt, warm against his skin, and Dex sighs. He isn’t sure he’s going to survive a relationship with Derek Nurse but all of this feels so right. “What do you need?”

This is all happening so fast, the timing not quite lining up in the best way. 

“I don’t know,” Dex admits. “Davey’s…”

They’re not close anymore. Not really. They were when they grew up but when Davey left for college it got harder. He was pretty pissed when Dex didn’t follow him to UMaine and still hasn’t been out to Samwell to watch a game.

Now it’s just occasional texts, random Snapchats. Dex always thought when they got older they’d be closer but life has led them down different paths. It might mostly be Dex’s fault. He’s known for as long as he can remember that he wasn’t interested in women, and every time Davey made a shitty comment Dex would just… close part of himself off. He loved his brother too much to get in fights with him, but needed to protect his heart.

This is uncharted territory.

“You want to go out by yourself first?” Nursey offers. “I can hang back.”

“No.”

Nursey chuckles softly. “Yeah, okay.” He pulls back a touch, his hands falling back to his sides, and Dex has to stop himself from winding his arms around himself to make up for it. “I’m right here,” Nursey says. “Whatever you need.”

With a deep breath Dex heads out into the hallway where Davey’s waiting with his hands in his back pocket. He at least looks sheepish.

“Sorry about that,” Davey murmurs.

Dex frowns. “You could learn to knock,” he says.

“Never.”

He holds out his arms for his brother and Dex enters them immediately. They’ve never really been the type to hug but Dex needs this and he’s so fucking grateful that Davey’s giving it to him.

“You’re late,” Dex rasps as he pulls back.

Davey smiles awkwardly. “We hit rush hour.” He nods his head in Nursey’s direction. “Nurse,” he greets, like they’re old friends running into each other again. “You been taking care of my brother?”

“As much as he lets me,” Nursey answers with a smile. He holds out his hand in greeting, “Davey, right?”

Davey shakes it. “Yeah, man. Dave’s fine. Hey, I should’ve known something was up when Willy was always talking about how much he couldn’t stand you.”

“Really not a necessary comment,” Dex mutters.

Still, Nursey laughs. “No, that was a super necessary comment. Please tell me all of the horrible things Willy’s said about me.”

“Don’t call me Willy,” Dex says. Nursey slides his arm around Dex’s back in quiet understanding, though his smile is soft. “Angie here?”

“Down on the couch,” Davey says. “Not feeling too hot from the drive. Mom’s getting her ginger ale.”

“We had to go to dinner alone,” Dex tells him.

“That’s your fault for going to dinner at like 3 in the afternoon.”

“ _Alone_ ,” Dex repeats.

“Traumatic.”

“It was,” Dex insists. “You owe me.”

“We’ll call it even seeing as I found out about this whole thing via some shitty internet blog,” Davey tosses back.

Dex tenses. Nursey turns to him. “I’ll head downstairs,” he says quietly, almost a question like he isn’t sure what Dex wants from him. But as usual, of course Nursey knows what he needs. Dex nods to let him know his thoughts but never once looks away from his brother.

The moment Nursey’s gone Davey heads for his room and Dex follows right on his heel. “I was going to tell you,” Dex says, shutting the door behind them.

Davey’s voice is hard when he says, “No you weren’t.” Dex looks down. “It’s not like I was looking,” Davey says. “But I hadn’t heard anything from you after the Zimmermann thing and I wanted to see if the team was okay and there it was.” Dex is still looking at the floor. “Some fucking gossip website. Am I really second to that?”

“No,” Dex says, small. He wanted to keep his edge but being around Davey always makes him feel younger. “I _wanted_ to tell you. But it’s hard, Dave.”

Davey crosses his arms over his chest. “I mean, props to you, Billy. Not only did you come out,” Davey says, “but your boyfriend’s a massive black hockey player.”

“He’s half-black,” Dex says, then winces, because Davey doesn’t really care about Nursey’s pride in being biracial and it doesn’t really matter like Dex means it to anyway. “That’s seriously how you’re doing this?”

“I’m surprised mom even invited you home,” Davey admits. Fine. That’s how he’s doing this. Dex winds his arms around himself. “Don’t get like that,” Davey says. “You know how they are. How this place is. I’m just talking facts. And gay with a half-black boyfriend isn’t always on the welcome docket.”

“I’m aware,” Dex grits.

“But I’m proud of you.”

“Oh, save it,” Dex huffs, walls up in an instant. “You’re just like them.”

“You think my opinions are guided by God?” Davey tosses back. “Billy, _please_ be less of an idiot for once in your life.”

“Then it’s something you just disagree with. It’s all over your fucking face.”

“Well I’m trying to be different!” Davey throws his hands up. “God I--I fucking know people are gay, Will. I know that they’re still people. Don’t be such a dick.”

“All your life you’ve said the same shit as them,” Dex snarls. “I’ve listened to dinners and car rides and politics and I know what you believe.”

“Things can change,” Davey says evenly. Dex feels himself deflate. “I’m trying,” Davey says again. “To understand and be accepting because you’re my brother, and that’s important. It just doesn't happen overnight.”

Dex wants to say that even people who aren’t related to him deserve basic rights, but decides he can’t be too political tonight. This is all personal and he knows it. That’s as far as it’s been able to go with his family and at least it’s a starting place.

“You don’t think I’m gonna burn in hell?” Dex asks, his joke sounding tighter than he means it to.

“I mean yeah,” Davey says, reaching up to ruffle Dex’s hair, “but that’s cuz you’re a ginger.”

“Fuck you,” Dex laughs, pushing his brother away.

“It’s not my fault you’re the only one of us without a soul.”

“Dad had red hair when he was a kid,” Dex argues.

“Okay, so neither of you have souls.” Dex starts to lean toward his brother to push him but Davey moves out of the way. “You want to come meet my girlfriend or what?”

Dex’s arms drop back at his sides. “It’s not this easy,” he says.

It can’t be. He knows the things that Davey truly believes, and him wanting to be different because Dex is his brother doesn’t feel like enough.

Davey shrugs. “Can’t it be enough for now?”

Dex doesn’t know the answer to that. After dinner was so difficult to get through, he wants it to be enough. Still, he doesn’t move. “Why did you send it to them?” he whispers. “The article. You could’ve texted me but you sent it to them.”

Davey’s eyes drop and it’s a surprise for Dex to see him look so ashamed. “I guess I wasn’t thinking,” he says. “I was… mad. It caught me so off-guard to see your name…” he shakes his head. “I wish I hadn’t,” Davey says, looking back up.

Dex believes him.

And still. “Dad might kick me out.”

“Dad’s not gonna kick you out,” Davey mutters, rolling his eyes. “Pop-pop might write you out of the will, but Dad’s never gonna kick you out.”

“That didn’t really help me feel better,” Dex says.

“I’ll just give you half my share, it’s fine, Will.” Dex shoves his brother again. “We’ll figure it out,” Davey says with a laugh. “Okay?”

He has time.

“Let’s go meet Angie,” Dex responds.

Davey nods, managing a smile, and Dex follows him back downstairs. Angie and Nursey, of course, have hit it off immediately. He’s perched beside her on the couch, his body turned toward her completely as he tells her a story about God knows what.

“...and the coin got stuck in the crack,” he hears Nursey say. “Half and half. So we split the room.”

“Hockey boys are so weird,” Angie says, but she’s smiling. When she spots Dex she’s on her feet in a second. “And you’ve gotta be Will!”

“What gave it away?” he tries to joke as she ascends on him with open arms.

“The hair.” Angie flings herself around him as Nursey laughs. “It’s so nice to meet you!” Dex is surprised, to say the least, but hugs her back. “It’s so weird to think of Davey as a brother. He’s got _such_ Only Child Syndrome.”

Dex finds himself laughing too. “Oh cool, I like you already.”

Angie smiles with Davey huffs in the background. “I was just talking to Derek about how you two ended up as roommates,” she says, pulling back to loop everyone into the conversation. “Can’t say I’ve ever ended up living with someone over a coin flip.”

“It was a very dramatic coin flip,” Dex admits. “How’d you end up with, uh,” he pauses, gesturing vaguely to his brother. “That.”

“Tinder,” she answers.

Nursey laughs.

“Internet dating is a real thing,” she says, turning to Nursey. He holds his hands up like he agrees. “But he passed all my pre-meeting checks which is actually pretty hard to do.”

“What are they?” Nursey asks as everyone settles back down into seats.

“No photos with guns,” she starts right away, holding up her hand to tick them off. “No shirtless photos. No photos in camouflage. No hunting photos.”

Dex’s eyes narrow in Davey’s direction. “She knows I hunt,” Davey interjects, seeing Dex’s suspicious. “She is not a fan.”

“I didn’t find that out until later,” Angie admits, “but by then he’d swept me off my feet.”

“I’d love to know what happened,” Nursey says with a smile, but it’s all genuine. “You’d never believe what it was for us.” Dex goes to mutter at him but he’s so soft right now that it dissolves quickly. Nursey throws his arm over Dex’s shoulder and pulls him close. “Involves some ice cream and a walk by a lake.”

“Shut up,” Dex finally murmurs.

“Oh, gosh that sounds sweet,” Angie says.

Angie goes on to tell some story that is sweet but underwhelming and Nursey listens beside him like he’s actually interested. Their small bubble of safety is shattered when Dex’s mom returns, finally with a glass of ginger ale for Angie. Dex forgot that Davey said she hadn’t been feeling well, seeing she’s been full of energy since Dex came downstairs.

“I’m sorry you two couldn’t make dinner,” Gretchen says after handing Angie her drink.

“We stopped on the way,” Davey says. “Next time wait maybe a little longer to get dinner?”

“We’ll have to come down to Samwell and visit,” Angie adds. “Take you two out to eat. Watch you play hockey.”

Dex feels his stomach warm in a rush. “You like hockey?”

“It’s fun,” Angie says. “But mostly it’d just be cool to see you play.”

Gretchen lingers for a little bit longer before disappearing again, giving the four of them their own space. It’s nice to just be with young adults, to be with Davey in a way that’s both vulnerable and safe all at once. Nursey and Angie really hit it off and Dex and Davey share more than one understanding looks.

It seems to be going okay.

“Dave said they want you to sleep on the couch?” Angie asks after a while, her voice dropping while her eyes dart toward the hallway Gretchen went down. “Like--for what?”

Nursey shrugs and he looks a little sad. “It happens.”

“It’s not cool,” Angie says.

Davey doesn’t comment.

* * *

The evening is mostly spent watching TV together.

Eventually they move to the kitchen because Gretchen offers to make milkshakes with the blender, so all four of them follow her there.

Dex isn’t sure how they get onto the subject, but it’s easier to talk without his father around and his mom really does seem to be interested in supporting him, so soon enough they broach the subject of sexuality again.

“So Willy, um,” Gretchen starts slowly, fiddling with the blender. The drinks are all made now but she takes her time filling each mug with chocolate milkshake. “Will said he knew since he was little. About. You know.”

“Being gay,” Dex says quietly.

“Yes, that.” She turns to Nursey just enough that he can pick up that she’s talking to him. “Did you know young too?”

“I knew around 14,” Nursey says. “I mean relationships were never really a priority of mine, so I never needed to think about it too much. Had a lot going on with sports and private school.”

“Private school?” Gretchen asks.

“Oh, I went to Andover,” Nursey says. “It’s just outside of Boston.”

“I see. And are you also… gay?”

“I’m pansexual. And no, that has nothing to do with kitchenware.” Gretchen laughs and Nursey beams, like he’s doing well on a test and he knows it, and it makes Dex’s stomach flip. “It just means I like people,” he explains once she’s calmed down. “Whoever. Doesn’t matter.”

Gretchen nods like she’s trying to understand. “Anyone?” she presses, and Dex tries not to hiss. He knows what she’s going to say. _Maybe you can be like Derek. Maybe you can like anyone._ But she turns, looking to Dex with a smile on her face. “And you like our Billy the best?” she asks.

Dex huffs in surprise, his face flaring up at once. “Mom!”

Gretchen turns with a frown, handing Dex his mug. “That’s just such a special thing, honey.” Dex’s face is burning, but Nursey’s beaming, all proud again.

Nursey scoops out a bite of his milkshake. “It’s all those freckles of his,” he chirps, and, yeah, Dex is going to be the first official case of spontaneous human combustion. “They’re just so cute.”

“Quit it,” Dex mutters, but Nursey’s loving this.

“No, but I do like him the best,” Nursey carries on, directing his attention to Dex’s mom. Nursey pops a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. “The freckles help.”

“I _love_ Davey’s freckles,” Angie chimes, leaning over the table to poke at Davey’s nose.

“Babe, c’mon,” he groans.

“And do your parents know?” Gretchen asks. _Yeah and they were super chill about it_ , Dex wants to mutter as Nursey nods. “How did… that go?”

“It was okay,” Nursey answers, and Dex wonders if he’s playing it down on purpose. But it takes Dex a second to realize he doesn’t actually _know_ the story of how Nursey came out to his parents. All he knows is Nursey _said_ it was chill. “Black dad, Mexican mom.” Nursey shrugs a little. “Things are fine now.”

“I’m sure they’re still hoping you’ll end up with a woman,” Gretchen says with a laugh.

Nursey manages one too though it’s pretty forced. “Yes, they are,” he says slowly.

“ _Mom_ ,” Dex mutters.

“Oh! Oh,” Gretchen rushes, and it’s nice that Dex isn’t the only Poindexter whose face can turn red in an instant. “Derek, I’m sorry, I--”

“It’s alright,” he stops her. Nursey spoons another bite of ice cream into his mouth. “They love me, so it works.” He leans toward Dex, a real smile back on his face. “They’ll love _you_ ,” Nursey murmurs sweetly.

Dex’s face turns red anyway.

* * *

It’s maybe a bit too cold to sit around in the backyard but they’ve got a small metal fire pit and some chairs so they all end up out there anyway.

Dex’s dad talks to Davey more than anything but Angie and Nursey keep up their own conversation. Dex is happy to just sit. They set up plans for the two of them to drive to Samwell for a game and Dex can’t help but be surprised that his coming out might be the thing to bring them closer.

Dex's dad is the first to go, and they’re only out there for a bit before Dex’s mom says she’s heading to bed too. Before Gretchen can go Angie makes a big show then about not feeling well, which Dex still doesn’t understand because she’s seemed fine all night, but then she’s off to bed as well.

By now, Dex and Nursey have moved to the tiny porch swing and Davey’s on one of the beaten plastic chairs and the air is crisp and quiet.

“How bad was dinner?” Davey asks. Nursey exhales a laugh. “Yeah, that’s what Will said.”

Nursey drapes his arm over Dex’s shoulder and pulls him close. “It was fine,” Nursey says warmly.

“You probably want some alone time,” Davey says. Dex rolls his eyes but smiles. “Don’t stay out here too long.”

He puts out the fire and ruffles Dex’s hair as he passes.

Dex exhales, sinking into Nursey’s side. “Holy fuck,” he says.

Nursey laughs before turning to press a kiss to Dex’s hair. “You did it,” he murmurs.

“I’m so tired,” Dex says. He sits up a bit, turning to look at Nursey. “Are you tired?”

“Mm.” Nursey reaches out and cups Dex’s cheek. “Yeah.”

They should go to sleep, but Dex leans up to kiss him and smiles when Nursey kisses him back. He’s always kissing Dex so gently, like being able to do so is a gift. It warms him in ways the dying fire can’t.

“I never thought I’d get this,” Dex murmurs.

“What do you mean?”

“A guy. At home. On my back porch with me.” Dex drops his forehead to Nursey’s and closes his eyes. “It’s not perfect. But it’s a start.”

Nursey kisses him again. “Yeah it is.” The cold is starting to set in and Dex shivers. “I still would like the stargazing in the back of a truck experience,” Nursey murmurs, causing Dex to laugh against his lips. “Eventually. I know absolutely nothing about constellations but I’ve got this pretty cool app where you can hold it up to the sky and--”

“Nursey,” Dex laughs again, feeling his own smile blossom as Nursey grins against his mouth. “It’s too cold to do that shit now.”

“Not if we get a lot of blankets.” Dex can’t stop kissing him. “But you’re right,” Nursey rushes, pulling back. “In this exact moment it is too cold. Why did Davey put that fire out?” he asks, turning toward the small pit.

The cold makes it easy to shiver out the laughter. “So we wouldn’t have to,” Dex tells him. As much as he doesn’t want to go inside, he knows it’s time. They’re both tired and even though leaving Nursey in the living room is going to stir up the worst kind of feelings, they need to sleep. Especially if they want to survive another day of this.

So he stands, pulling Nursey with him so they can go inside. They step through the basement sliding glass door and slowly make their way upstairs silently. They know what’s next, there’s no need to linger on it.

Only when they make it to the living room, Davey’s stretched out on the couch with his phone in his hands.

Dex frowns. “Nursey’s gotta sleep on the couch,” he reminds him, annoyed that he has to. He figured Davey would remember.

“No,” Davey says. “ _I_ gotta sleep on the couch.” He raises a challenging eyebrow. “You think I’m gonna risk sleeping with Ange if she’s getting the stomach bug?”

Dex startles. "The stomach bug?" 

"She's not feeling well. Or at least, that's what we've been telling mom and dad." 

Nursey grabs Dex’s hand with a grin. “Thank you,” he says to Davey.

"Have to admit it wasn't my idea," Davey says. "But happy to help." 

“Wait--” Dex turns, confused. “What’s--?” Nursey tries to drag Dex toward the stairs but he turns back to Davey. “Seriously?” he asks. “They’ll be pissed.”

“They’ll get over it,” Davey answers. Dex feels his lips part in surprise. Davey smiles. “Consider it part of my apology.”

“ _Thank you_ ,” Nursey says again, pointedly, and Dex shakes back into himself as Nursey pulls him forward.

“Thank you,” Dex agrees.

Davey diverts his attention back to his phone, still smiling. Nursey lets go of Dex’s hand so they can hurry up the stairs and sneak into his room. The moment they get Dex’s door shut, they still.

They leave the lights off.

“He’s a good brother,” Nursey says, keeping his voice quiet. Dex nods, even though their eyes are still adjusting and Nursey probably still can’t see him. “He could be screwing his girlfriend in his childhood bedroom but instead he’s going to let you screw your boyfriend in your childhood bedroom.”

Dex laughs a little louder than a whisper, searching out for Nursey. They bump into each other, hands easily settling on one another.

“Boyfriend,” Dex echoes.

The weight of the day starts to settle on him. He pulls back a little to put some space in-between them. This is their first moment alone since Davey arrived other than those few minutes out on the swing, since Nursey’s confession, since their kiss. A real kiss, just for them.

A real boyfriend.

“Why?” Dex asks.

Nursey shakes his head, Dex’s eyes adjusting enough to see him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I know why I feel the way that I feel,” Dex says. It’s easier to do this in the dark, with whispers. “You comfort me. You make me laugh. When I’m with you I feel like I can do anything and it’ll be okay.” Nursey’s face blooms with a smile and he ducks his head to hide it. “I know why I like you. I just can’t understand why you like me.”

“You comfort me,” Nursey echoes quietly, looking back up. “You make me laugh.”

“Derek.”

“I’m serious,” Nursey insists. “You challenge me to think differently. You show that you care in ridiculous ways--like building bookshelves or fixing the dryer.” He shakes his head again, like he can’t understand why Dex is still hung-up on this. “I like how I feel when I’m with you. What don’t you get?”

“You didn’t used to.”

“Neither did you,” Nursey reminds him.

Dex feels hot, his chest and throat and face. “Remember when we got ice cream with Farmer? You said you weren’t going to try anymore. With me.”

“I never _wanted_ to give up on you,” Nursey says, reaching for his hands. “I wasn’t looking for a reason to quit believing that something would change. And when it did…” Nursey trails off, his furrowed eyebrows easing back as his smile returns. “It’s it weird saying I love watching you grow?”

Dex is thrown so off-balance that he pitches himself forward. Nursey drops his hands so he can slide his arms around Dex’s waist, letting him nuzzle toward his neck as he holds him close.

“Don't say shit like that,” Dex whispers.

“I love watching you in the kitchen with Bitty,” he carries on, slowly dragging his hands up his back. “Because you used to avoid him any chance you had. And the time you almost punched a guy at a kegster because he said something shitty about consent? Jesus, Will,” Nursey exhales a laugh. “And it’s not--” he goes on kind of urgently, “it’s not that I needed you to change. I mean you’re still smart and stubborn and all of that, but--”

“No, I get what you mean,” Dex laughs. He loves to be wound up in Nursey. His own hands settle on Nursey’s waist. “Being here…” he trails off. “It just reminds me of everything I could still be.”

“But you’re not,” Nursey murmurs. “You’re amazing, Will.”

Dex squeezes his eyes shut. He knows it's not the best time for it but they're the only words that make sense and he can't stop himself from saying them. “I think I love you,” he whispers, voice thick. Nursey turns and pulls back just enough so he can lean in for a kiss. “Derek--” Dex tries to say something else but Nursey kisses him again.

He wants to say his bit. About how Nursey makes him feel. About how he feels safe to be himself with Nursey. About how every step he’s taken on this mountain of growth was to stay in stride with Nursey. He doesn’t pretend to understand every single social issue at this point, but something about this team and these people have taught him empathy. Nursey makes him feel like the person he wants to be.

When Nursey’s hands slip under Dex’s shirt he decides he can tell him later.

Dex shifts to make it easier to get his shirt off and he feels Nursey smile against his mouth. They break so they can work together at getting the buttons undone. It’s easy to get Nursey’s sweater off and soon they’re both shirtless, climbing backwards into Dex’s bed.

“I want your hands on me,” Nursey rasps.

“Can you be quiet?” Dex whispers.

“Will, please, yes,” Nursey gasps. “ _Please_.”

It’s so fucking stupid but this is his boyfriend, _his boyfriend_ , and Dex wants to spend all night with his hands against Nursey’s skin. They climb into Dex’s bed and while the mattress squeaks the bed frame is pretty sturdy. Besides, when the vents are going it’s kind of noisy, so it’ll be fine.

Dex kisses his way slowly down Nursey’s neck, nipping lightly at his throat as he goes. His hands settle on his sides, drift up Nursey’s back follow him along Nursey’s chest as he studies every dip and curve that he’d made up of. Nursey squirms beneath him, breathless and quiet just as promised. He noses at Nursey’s hip bone and they push his pants off together.

“Will.” Nursey scrambles to pull him back up, closer. It’s like he isn’t sure what he wants. “Wait, I--” he pushes at Dex’s chest to get him to pull back. “This weekend is like, a big deal for you.”

Dex shakes his head, confused. “I know?”

“It’s--” Nursey exhales. Dex drags his hands up Nursey’s sides slowly. “It’s heavy and emotional,” he carries on. “It’s just--are you absolutely sure that this is what you want?”

Dex gathers him close and kisses him again. “Absolutely,” Dex echoes. “Are you?”

“You have no fucking idea how sure I am about this,” Nursey rushes.

“I think I might,” Dex returns.

Nursey pulls him back in and then they’re all over each other. The whole thing is a dance, push and pull, take and give. For once Dex holds Nursey. He wants him to feel the way that Dex does when they’re with him - safe.

And Nursey mutters endearments into Dex’s throat and hitches his hips forwards and exhales like it’s the hardest breath he’s ever had to let go of. When they get their boxers off it feels like no touch is enough. Dex’s hands roam for a long time before finding Nursey’s cock and taking it in his hand slowly and when he does, Nursey pitches forward with a short huff.

“That’s it,” Nursey murmurs.

“That’s good?” Dex whispers. “You like that?”

In a breath, “Yeah.”

Dex feels brave and it’s still not smart of them to be doing this but he takes his time kissing his way down Nursey’s chest, slow but sure until he’s low enough that Nursey’s hips press back against him. Dex has never done this before but he _wants_ to. Nursey doesn’t need any help getting hard but he’s here and big and beautiful and Dex licks his lips before looking up.

“Can I…?” he trails off. Dex is confused why saying it out loud is so easy. “I want to suck your dick,” he says.

Nursey drops his head back on Dex’s pillows. “That’d be fine,” he whispers.

Dex laughs. “It’d be _fine_?”

“It’d be good,” he rushes. “Really good.”

Dex licks his lips, eyes back on Nursey’s cock. “But I’ve never…” Again he looks to Nursey, who’s gripping the sheets with his eyes closed tight. “No chirping,” he breathes.

“Literally no fucking way,” Nursey rasps. “And you don’t have to--” Dex licks the underside of Nursey’s cock and Nursey’s hips roll. “ _Fuck_.” He turns his head into the pillows. “Sorry,” he croaks.

“You said you could be quiet,” Dex whispers with a little laugh, nuzzling in.

“I can I swear I can,” Nursey pleads. He threads his fingers lightly into Dex’s hair. “I think maybe you’ve overestimated how much sex I’ve had. This is really good, Dex, really. I’m up for anything. Whatever you want.”

“I want to make you feel good,” Dex tells him.

Before Nursey can say anything else Dex takes him into his mouth. It’s a huge mess but Nursey does stay quiet. He guides Dex’s hands to make it even better and it’s still sloppy but Nursey tugs on Dex’s hair when he comes a bit later and it’s incredible in ways that Dex isn’t prepared for. It leaves him aching himself, just as desperate for Nursey's hands against him. When he pulls up, wiping his mouth, Nursey scrambles to pull him closer.

His kisses are frantic and hot and he rolls, pressing Dex into the mattress. “Can _you_ be quiet?” Nursey asks, and Dex must shrug or something because Nursey laughs. “Will.”

“Probably?”

Dex is evidently a lot worse at being quiet than Nursey is. When Nursey puts his mouth on Dex he knows he won’t last long and he doesn’t, his own hands pressed over his mouth to force himself to shut up, and when Nursey climbs back up to kiss him after sucking him off it’s too hot that Dex can’t not moan into Nursey’s mouth.

They’re like that for a long time, kissing like it’s urgent, hips grinding lazily against one another until Nursey finally pulls back, looking sleepy but so happy that it makes Dex smile too. When Nursey rolls off of him Dex waits for a second for the silence to hit and the house actually feels settled, which is good. 

“Is the bathroom far?” Nursey whispers. “We should definitely brush our teeth.”

Dex laughs. He’s almost afraid to risk the walk but Nursey’s right, and they should clean up a little. Besides, it’s just next door, so it’s not too much of an issue.

They sneak over quickly and take care of whatever they need to take care of before hurrying back to Dex’s room and climbing into bed. When that feeling of everything being settled hits again, Dex tugs Nursey closer. They’re facing one another, legs twined together under the blankets, Nursey somewhere Dex’s throat while Dex holds him.

He bends down, pressing a kiss to the top of Nursey’s head. “G’night,” Dex murmurs.

Nursey sighs, his breath warm against Dex’s skin. His hands are pressed against Dex’s back, firm and sure. “Good night,” he whispers back.

* * *

Dex sleeps through the night.

Driving home and the whole stress of the night was exhausting, it took a lot out of him. When he wakes it’s only because Nursey’s gently brushing his fingers through Dex’s hair. Dex opens one eye to find Nursey watching him.

“Stop,” Dex mutters.

Nursey grins, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Morning.”

“Mmf.” He throws his arm around Nursey’s waist and buries his face near Nursey’s collarbone. “Don’t make me.”

“We’re at _your house_ , Dex,” Nursey says with a laugh. He slowly drags his hand up Dex’s back and the motion is warm, comforting. He really gets to have this. These moments with Nursey. “I can’t make you do anything.”

“So when we’re back at the Haus,” Dex murmurs, face still buried. “And I tell you to not make me do things…”

“Nice try, babe.” Dex exhales a quiet laugh. Still half-asleep he hums as Nursey drags his hands through Dex’s hair another time. “I texted my parents,” Nursey says quietly. “About you.”

Dex finally pulls back enough that he can see him. “What’d you say?”

“I mean I…” Nursey trails off with a little laugh. “I told them a while ago. That I was acting as your fake boyfriend.” Dex wrinkles his nose. He can’t imagine telling his parents things like that. “But my mom saw through it. Knew I had feelings for you. She’s been worried. So I told them that it’s real now.”

Dex’s face feels hot. “They probably think I’m an idiot.”

“They’re a little peeved at the Swallow, actually,” Nursey says. He leans in, close enough that his nose bumps Dex’s. “They’re good people. They’ll like you. They’re just worried…”

“Because it started fake?” Dex asks, and Nursey nods. He knows Bitty will worry a little bit too, and probably Shitty. “They think I might not really be in this,” he concludes.

His voice sounds distant. Almost sad. He knows how it looks. Using a fake boyfriend to soften the stress of coming out wasn’t exactly how Dex expected this going either, and he certainly didn’t anticipate things with Nursey being like _this_.

Still, Nursey kisses him softly. Brushing their teeth last night was definitely the right call. “I know you are,” Nursey tells him. Dex reaches up and cups Nursey’s cheek to pull him back in. “And once they meet you and see us together, they’ll know it’s real too,” he insists. “Okay?”

“Once they see us together?” Dex echoes

“They’re coming to our next game, so don’t fuck up.”

“No pressure, right?” Dex laughs. Nursey grins. They stay like that for a moment, nose to nose and smiling, before Dex sighs. “You told me your parents were _chill_ ,” Dex murmurs. “About you being queer. But last night you said…”

“They were,” Nursey fills in the silence. “They are. I mean, they are now. And it’s not like we ever got in a huge fight or something brutal. But they didn’t really like it at first, and they didn’t understand it. But they love me so they’ve gotten better.” He shrugs a little. “They’re not perfect but they’re trying. So it’s chill.”  

“Doesn’t mean it’s not still hard,” Dex says.

“That’s true,” Nursey agrees. “But it’s not like this. Never has been.”

“It can still be hard, Nurse.”

He shrugs again. “They’re more… apathetic about it than anything. But I maintain that they just want me happy. And Will--” he stops himself with another grin. “They’ll like, definitely love you.”

“Yeah, I can see them being huge fans of the poor white guy from Maine who needed a fake boyfriend to come out,” Dex mutters. He turns away from Nursey to look up at the ceiling, but Nursey nuzzles in near his throat.

“The guy who always fixes the shit I break,” Nursey murmurs. “And brings me coffee when I need to pull an all-nighter. And sends me memes about Shakespeare even though you have no idea what it’s about because you think I’ll like it.”

Dex snorts. “That was one time.”

“Doesn’t matter. They’ll be huge fans.”

Dex looks back to him. “It was a good meme, right?”

Nursey kisses him again, his smile way too wide for this early. “I already told you yes.”

“How and why are you awake?” Dex asks. When Nursey gets all fond like this it makes his stomach twist in ways that aren’t entirely uncomfortable. That and the fact that he’s still mostly asleep has him aching to bloom. “You sleep well past noon on a normal day.”

“We ate dinner way early yesterday,” he whines. “I could smell breakfast. I’m hungry.”

Breakfast means that Dex’s parents are awake.

Dex’s parents being awake means they know that Nursey is not on the couch.

Oh God.

Something on his face must change because Nursey sits up at once with worry on his face. “Dex, baby. Hey, what is it?”

“Sorry.” He sits up too. “Sorry--they know you’re in here.”

Nursey blinks. “Who?”

“My parents,” he warbles. “If they’re cooking then they know. What if they’re pissed?”

“Davey said they’ll get over it,” Nursey reminds him. “Right?” Dex shakes his head. He was riding on a high last night but this was a bad idea. This was a terrible idea. “Will, if it bothered them that much then they’d march in here. Breathe.”

“But you’re hungry _now_.”

Nursey laughs, leaning in for a gentle kiss. “You’re too much, dude. We can stay here until you’re good. Or I can go down and bring something up. I’m good with parents.”

“Just give me a sec.”

“More breathing,” Nursey agrees. They lay back down, Nursey curling behind Dex and nuzzling into his neck. “More sleeping,” he murmurs, voice already drowsy like he’s remembering how early it is. “That’s good too.”

Dex exhales. It’s hard, but he thinks he does sleep for a little bit longer in soft patches of gray. Nursey keeps himself close, his lips against the back of Dex’s neck, and he thinks maybe if he eases into it this whole breakfast thing won’t be so bad.

When they finally decide it’s worth it to investigate, it’s because Dex’s phone is buzzing.

“What the hell is that?” Nursey murmurs.

“I’m getting a Facebook call,” Dex says. He paws out for his phone on the side table and squints at the brightness of it “Hang on.” Nursey pulls back with his eyebrows furrowed, turning to look at the screen. “It’s Chowder.”

Dex swipes to open it. “I’m sorry,” Nursey pushes. “You’re getting a fucking Facebook _video chat_?”

“Hey!” Chowder greets.

“This would be literally so much easier if you had an iPhone. You could just FaceTime.”

“Not everyone likes the Apple interface,” Dex returns. “But most people have Facebook. It’s exactly the same.”

“Oh, guys,” Chowder mutters. His face pixels shift into focus and then he smiles.

“Hi, C,” Nursey greets. “It is _not_ exactly the same!”

“You two look um, cozy,” he says as Dex rolls his eyes at Nursey. “Cait and I wanted to see how things were going.” He tilts his screen a little to show that he’s snuggled up in bed with Farmer beside him. She’s barely awake but she smiles and waves anyway. “You still in bed too?”

Nursey nuzzles closer at once while Dex tilts his screen to change the view. “Nursey wasn’t supposed to sleep in here,” Dex says quietly, “but my brother took the couch so he had an excuse, but I’m worried now.”

“Very brave in the moment,” Nursey remembers warmly. "Still brave now."

“Wait, they wanted Nursey on the couch?” Farmer asks. ”Dude.”

“Good on Davey,” Chowder adds.

“Yeah, well, he said it was his girlfriend's idea.”

"Still nice," Nursey offers.

"So it's going mostly okay?" Farmer asks.

"Yeah," Dex answers. He clears his throat. He might as well do it now. The more real this is, the easier it will make walking downstairs and the better it will feel. “Uh, Nursey and I are really doing this.”

“You’ve been there like almost a full day,” Farmer says. “Is it just now sinking in?”

“No,” Nursey stops her. Dex is relieved he understands when he elaborates for her. “He means we’re really dating.”

“We’re gonna give it a try,” Dex adds in a rush, afraid of immediate silence. “We talked about it yesterday and--”

“Oh my God,” Chowder says.

“You owe me literally _so much money_ ,” Farmer says, pushing herself to sit up in bed. She nudges Chowder just a little, grinning. “Guys, that’s great,” she tells them. “I’m--we’re really happy for you!”

Chowder laughs. “Oh my _God_!”

Dex turns away from the camera a little as his face starts to burn. “Okay, okay,” he tries.

“I know I tease you guys but seriously,” Farmer says, “it’s great, you two. I’m really happy.”

“Yeah, us too,” Nursey says with a smile of his own. “C, make sure you get Farmer her funds, dude.”

“Well obviously!” Chowder sits up too and the whole camera view shifts. “I mean I know you two have basically kind of been dating for a few months anyway and nothing’s changed, but let’s make sure Frog time is still good?”

“Always,” Nursey tells him.

“Just good to hear,” Chowder returns. “Hey, I love you guys. And I love this development very much.”

“Love you too,” Dex says, kind of hurrying at the phone in embarrassment. “We should go.”

“Ugh--wait, I want more deets,” Chowder says.

“We’ll be back tomorrow night,” Dex says. “Or sooner.”

“Tomorrow night, then,” Chowder concludes firmly, like he believes it.

“Bye guys!” Farmer calls.

Dex hangs up and drops his phone down to turn and look at Nursey. The quiet in his tiny room feels heavy without Chowder and Farmer’s voice to fill it. Nursey’s just looking at him, waiting for him to speak.

“So it’s real now,” Dex says, voice dropping again. “Like, really real.” Nursey nods a little. “Bitty’ll be happy, I think,” he adds. “Holtz and Rans.”

“Ollie and Wicky,” Nursey agrees. “Shitty and Lardo. Everyone, Dex.” It sounds so simple.

“Yeah?”

“ _Y_ _ _e_ s_.” Dex exhales. Nursey reaches up and traces a finger back along Dex’s jaw before sliding into the hair by the base of his neck. “How do you feel?” Nursey asks.

Dex isn’t sure what to say at first. “Good,” he finally answers. Nursey leans in halfway, tugging Dex toward him for a kiss. “Really good,” Dex whispers.

“Nervous at all?” Nursey murmurs.

“To go downstairs and get breakfast? Yes. About you? And this being real?” Dex presses toward Nursey again for another kiss. “Like, not really.” Nursey’s still smiling into his kisses and it makes Dex smile too. “You’re my best friend, Nursey.”

“I love you, too,” Nursey answers.

Dex’s eyes fall shut as Nursey cups his cheek to pull him in again. But Dex presses forward, sliding his leg over Nursey’s hip and pushing himself up and over him to keep Nursey down. Sprawled out across Dex’s pillow with his lips wet and parted, Nursey looks like a dream.

Nursey doesn’t let him get far before tugging Dex back in. “Derek,” he gasps. Nursey smiles lazily, like this is the easiest thing in the world. Dex wants it to be. More than anything. “Let’s go get breakfast,” he says.

Whatever greets him downstairs, there’s no use in putting it off anymore. Whether it be his mom with two mugs of coffee waiting, or Davey and Angie eating pancakes at the table, or his father - red in the face. It’s going to be there and he has to face it. But he looks at Nursey and knows that it’ll be okay.

Nursey nods. “Let’s go get breakfast,” he agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for joining me on this ride ! ! ! i hope you had a nice time <3

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter/tumblr @wholesomeholsom for more check please content because that's all i talk about these days. let me know your thoughts!


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